#i overthink about it too much to the point of stressing myself out

[tredispade-a]

hello again... i have decided that i will be rebooting this blog, but it still wont be for a bit longer. i just cannot shake this kneejerk anxious reaction to logging in.

i will probably consolidate every muse into one blog again? i'm not sure what i'm gonna do about all the other blogs i have right now. i may just leave them as is. or go with my original plan of having this as the fandom multi and having an oc multi. convert soleil's blog into the oc blog. i dunno honestly.

[tokoyamisstuff]

Invincible Variants x Pregnant! Reader

Request from Ao3: I would love to seriously see how the evil Marks would react to getting reader pregnant. There has to happen at least at one point! I can totally see them all collectively freaking out! I seriously hope there is one that goes "Our baby needs a bed fit for a Princess/Prince...you know what, let's just build them their very own castle! Fill it full of toys! Make it a castle playroom!"

...you don't really think this was an accident, do you?

Omni-Mark has been planning to babytrap you since day one. He's prepared every detail of this kid's life way before you were even expecting, from the place you'll give birth until the day their powers kick in everything is carefully thought through.

That doesn't mean he'll completely disregard your wishes, though the crucial decisions are set by himself. But he'd love to prepare the nursery according to your taste and wouldn't mind picking out names together either.

Just because he's overly composed on the outside doesn't mean he isn't secretly overjoyed, he's just bad at showing it.

After the initial shock Mohawk Mark is absolutely delighted. Never thought about the possibility before, but if it's with you, he's so ready to be a dad!

One might think his erratic and almost childish nature indicates he's not cut out to be a father, but he pulls himself together the second he hears the news. Gets advice from the few people he trusts on how to parent in general, but will mostly just wait and see.

Maybe that's a good thing, he'll keep you from overthinking too much with his silly behavior, but he also reminds you that you're in this together and you'll figure it out no matter what.

Buys all the toys. Seriously, this guy will be the greatest playmate for your kid, it'll be incredibly heartwarming to see him tend to his little buddy. He's really trying, give him credit.

Sinister Mark is utterly appaled. This is a literal nightmare scenario to him.

He is insane, but self-aware - and honestly, he's sure the last person who should have children. Not to mention, what if it turns out like him?!

His reluctance mostly stems from his antisocial personality. It was hard enough for him to accept this weakness that is his love for you, but letting another person into his rotten heart seems like an impossible task.

Can't bring himself to leave you, but throughout the whole ordeal he'll nag that this is a horrible idea and you both will have to suffer the consequences (when in reality he is just anxious to fuck everything up). Refuses to look at ultrasounds or involve himself in any planning, but is always vigilant about your well-being and makes sure you got everything you need.

As soon as he is persuaded unto holding it for the first time though, he's completely changed. "I only knew them for a day but if anything happens to them I'll kill anyone here and then myself" kinda way.

Hopefully they take after you, since you're the only person he could ever tolerate.

...of course you are? That's what you're supposed to do: give Target Invincible an heir.

Orders his subordinates into providing the literally best care in the entire universe for you and the unborn, and fulfills your every wish throughout your circumstance.

He's very thoughtful to the point of being controlling. You'll have a strict schedule, excercise and meal plan to stick to if you want to grant him peace of mind.

During this whole time he'll be unusual compliant and gentle, not once raising his voice or criticize you to spare you two any stress. Instead he showers you in praise for granting him this greatest wish of starting a family with someone he deemed worthy to carry his children.

Thats the first time you see No-Goggles Invincible serious. No laughter, no snarky remark, he just stares at you like a deer in the headlights.

Starting a family was never really on his mind, after all it was already out of character for him to stay in a - more or less - serious relationship with you. But hey, as random as he can be, he quickly grows fond of to the idea and adapts surprisingly well.

Keeps his cool for the most part and doesn't really seem to take this seriously. Finds it absolutely hilarious if you yell at him in your hormonal state and may even let you use him as a punching bag before shutting you up with a kiss.

He also really enjoys putting an ear on your belly to talk with his little one, and this continues even after birth. Poor baby never has a moment of quiet.

Due to his mission to repopulate his kind, having children with you has always been on Viltrumite Mark's To-Do list. It's a little early, but he ain't complaining.

From the very moment that he finds out about the pregnancy, you're not allowed to lift a single finger. Prepare to get coddled relentlessly.

Get's super clingy during the process, his hands are on your belly 24/7 even long before you start showing. In general his mood shifted, barely noticeable through his stoic nature but you know him well enough to know he is definetly excited.

This certainly won't stay your only child.

Viltrumite Mark is not surprised. This guy has the biggest breeding kink ever, and he always knew you were the one for him, so...no use for protection.

He's got a huge community of loyal followers who got experience and are willing to help out with anything, but otherwise he's more the easygoing kinda guy. Is convinced a loving environment is all a baby needs and anything else you'd just take as it comes.

Literally worships you even more than usual. Indulges you by getting you any craving from earth, gives you as many back and foot rubs you want, carries your belly if it gets too heavy...

Just can't wait to meet his mini me and take them out on adventures!

To Unmasked Mark you're all that matters, so he will go with whatever choice you make.

It's already hard enough to see you - his heart - walk outside of his body, but another person he will most likely love to death, so small and even more vulnerable? A frightening thought.

Being a man with countless enemies, he feels like good things only happen to him so they can be taken away again as punishment for his sins. Really, he doesn't think he deserves such a blessing after all the evil he's committed in the past.

In the end this is only one more reason for him to keep living and strive to become a better man - and hopefully a father your child deserves.

Fully Masked Mark seriously doesn't know whether to be thrilled or terrified.

After all, pregnancy can be a great burden on your health and in some cases even lethal! He'll frequently spiral into absolute horror scenarios of how this could end up, so you need to help him focus on positive anticipation instead.

But aside from his usual worries this is a dream come true! Being reunited with the love of his life was already a miracle itself, and now he even gets to start a family with you?! He's just so unbelievably thankful that you're doing this with him, and constantly reminds you how he would do anything for the two of you.

Begs you to name it after his mom shall it become a girl.

It takes two to achieve this, but you'll never hear the end of it with Veiled Invincible.

Won't stop nagging about not being cut out to change diapers or missing the patience to endure a screaming kid day and night. He's got a point, dude barely can take care of himself, all he knows is fighting and having a good time.

Reality only sets in when he hears the child's heartbeat for the first time, and damn this guy cries like a kicked dog. You've seriously never seen him like this before. Hard shell soft core or so they say...

Childbirth really shifted his whole perception of how much you mean to him, he absolutely panicked seeing you suffer like this and not being bale to do anything about it.

Will thank you eternally for for convincing him to the best decision of his life and swear that despite of his many shortcomings, he will always keep you two safe and happy.

[bloomzone]

2025 : #16 journal journal journal : all u need guide

By : a journaling addict girlie

Journaling is a tool for self-discovery mindfulness and creativity too But while many of us start with enthusiasm turning journaling into a consistent habit can feel like a battle or smthng cuz life gets busy u lose motivation and before you know it your journal is gathering dust

so !

This guide will help you build a sustainable journaling practice. Whether you’re a beginner or someone looking to rekindle the habit these practical tips will make journaling an effortless part of your daily routine.

how I found out abt journaling(storytime box)

[I used to feel like my world was tiny, trapped in a cycle of bullying and loneliness and a loot of stuff My social zone was practically nonexistent I had 2 friends but I didn't trusted them enough and the people around me just made things harder so I had a trust issue and I was constantly overthinking eveeeeerything. My mind was a mess, and I had no way to let it out (I can't tell my parents back then abt my problems) . One day, I came across a video about journaling. I saw someone pouring out their thoughts into a notebook (it was bestmess ig on YouTube ) and something clicked for me. Maybe this could be my way to escape all the noise in my head ??? So, I grabbed an old notebook and started writing.At first, it felt awkward—just random, messy thoughts. But as I kept going, I realized it helped. Writing became my safe space. I could say whatever I wanted, no judgment. It wasn’t just about venting; it helped me understand myself, organize my thoughts, and let go of some of the pain from the isolation.Over time, journaling turned into something much deeper. It became a way to reflect, dream, and grow. It taught me how to be kind to myself when no one else was, and helped me find clarity in the chaos. Journaling saved me it turned my mess into peace one page at a time then when the years roll I created a routine for it !]

Why Journaling Matters

☆ Journaling offers countless benefits:

-Reducing stress

-Boosting creativity

-Deepening self-awareness

☆ Yet, staying consistent can be a challenge. The key lies in making journaling enjoyable and rewarding. Here's how you can do just that.

The Science of Habit Formation

To build any habit, including journaling, you need three elements:

1. Cue: A trigger that reminds you to journal.

2. Routine: The act of journaling itself.

3. Reward: The positive feeling or benefit you experience afterward.

The secret is to keep the process simple and satisfying too

Steps to Turn Journaling into a Daily Habit

1. Start Small

Begin with just a sentence or two for example:

“Today, I felt grateful for…”

“The best part of my day was…”

—Starting small makes it less overwhelming and easier to stick with.

2. Anchor It to an Existing Habit

—Pair journaling with something you already do, like drinking coffee or winding down before bed. This "habit stacking" technique helps u remember to journal.

3. Set a Timer

Worried about time? Commit to just 5 minutes. Knowing there’s a limit makes starting feel less daunting.

4. Use Prompts

Struggling with what to write? Use prompts like:

“What made me smile today?”

“What’s a challenge I faced, and how did I handle it?”

—Prompts give your thoughts direction and beat blank-page syndrome. There's million of prompts idea on Pinterest u need just to take action

5. Celebrate Your Progress

Track your streaks or mark your journaling days on a calendar. Seeing your consistency builds motivation.

6. Create a Cozy Space ( not important )

Set up a comfortable spot for journaling—a comfy chair, your favorite pen, or soothing music. A cozy environment turns journaling into a ritual you look forward to.

7. Experiment with Formats

If traditional journaling feels stale, try something new:

☆ Bullet points

☆ Sketches

☆ Gratitude lists

☆ Digital journaling apps

Creative Ways to Journal

☆ Gratitude Journaling: Write down 3 things you’re grateful for each day.

☆ Habit Tracking: Combine journaling with habit tracking to monitor small goals.

☆ Morning Pages: Inspired by Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, write 3 pages of free-flowing thoughts first thing in the morning.

☆ Reflection Logs: Reflect weekly or monthly on what went well, what you learned, and what you’d like to improve.

Overcoming Common Obstacles

1. “I Don’t Have Time.”

Journaling doesn’t need to take hours. Even a single sentence is progress.

2. “I Don’t Know What to Write.”

Start with prompts or simply answer: “What’s on my mind right now?”

3. “I Keep Forgetting.”

Set phone reminders or pair journaling with a daily habit.

4. “It Doesn’t Feel Useful.”

Journaling isn’t about perfection it’s a tool for you Over time you’ll notice its positive effects.

Journaling as a Tool for Self-Growth

— Journaling isn’t just about recording events or thoughts—it’s also a way to grow mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. Here’s how you can take your journaling practice to the next level:

1. Use Journaling for Goal Setting

Journaling can help you identify and track your goals. Write down your short- and long-term objectives, and use your journal to reflect on progress, challenges, and adjustments.

Example:

☆ Weekly Goals: Write down 3 specific goals every Monday and reflect on them at the end of the week.

☆ Vision Journaling: Imagine your ideal future and describe it in vivid detail.

2. Practice Emotional Awareness

☆ Journaling is a powerful way to process emotions. Try these techniques:

☆ Emotion Check-Ins: At the end of the day, write about how you felt and why.

☆ Reframing Challenges: If something negative happened, write about it from a different perspective.

3. Develop Gratitude and Mindfulness

☆ Use your journal to cultivate mindfulness by focusing on the present moment:

☆ Mindful Observations: Write about your surroundings, the weather, or how your body feels.

☆ Gratitude Expansion: Instead of listing things you’re grateful for, write a short paragraph about why each one matters.

4. Uncover Patterns and Insights

Over time, your journal becomes a mirror of your habits, thoughts, and emotions. Regularly revisit old entries to:

- Identify recurring themes.

- Discover how you’ve grown or changed.

- Spot areas where you might need more balance or self-care.

FAQs

Q: How long does it take to build a journaling habit?

A: Experts say it takes 21–66 days. Consistency is key, even if it’s just a few minutes daily.

Q: Should I write by hand or use a digital tool?

A: Both work! Handwriting feels personal, while digital tools offer organization. ( In my opinion handwriting one are better !)

Q: What if my journaling feels repetitive?

A: Life has routines, and so will your journal. Use prompts or try new styles to keep it fresh.

Q: Can I journal if I’m not a good writer?

A: Absolutely! Journaling is about self-expression, not perfect prose. Bullet points or doodles work too.

Journaling is a gift you give yourself—a way to check in, reflect, and grow. Whether you’re jotting down a single sentence or filling pages, the act of journaling is what matters most.

@bloomzone 📇

[random-blurbs]

I Need You

Summary : Kidnapped and beaten you need to live. The hunger to live is diminishing. The memories you shared with Reid gives you the fighting chance you need to hang on a little more. The chance for him to come save you.

“I don’t know…there’s just something that’s bothering me.” Looking at the whiteboard with all the pictures displaying the victims you can’t help but furrow your brow.

“What else can be bothering you we caught the UnSub.” Morgan said ripping down the photo you were staring at intently. “Let’s just take it as a win and get out of here.” JJ chimed in as she was putting the files in their respective boxes. “Maybe you’re just tired?” With a small smile Spencer came in placing a hand on your shoulder massaging it softly. Sighing in relief you held his hand thankful at the moments relief.

“Yeah maybe. I think I’m just overthinking it.” You finalized still not convinced. “You guys really are a match made in heaven.” Morgan poked as you both rolled your eyes at his comment. Two over thinkers in a relationship what can go wrong?

Walking out the police station all sort of thoughts whirled your head. Spencer typically finds it cute as the furrow of your eyebrow and your little thinking pose makes his day. To be fair anything you do makes his day. But when it comes down to cases he can’t help but worry. Considering everyone in the team felt on edge since the victims looked exactly like you.

“What are you thinking about up there? Maybe I can help you all things considered.” As he pointed at his genius brain. You felt crazy trying to explain it to him as the unsub Mike Loze fits the profile perfectly. Honestly he fits too perfectly and that’s the part that bothers you. His arrest was done in a nice little bow perfectly presented to the FBI.

And that’s what stuck out to you. “Can we get a quick ice-cream as I try to explain myself?”

“Of course I think I saw one down this street.” Following his lead you wrapped your hand around his. As you babbled on what you swear was the wrong arrest. “You don’t think it’s weird as soon as we landed we caught him within seconds? Usually it takes us weeks but this one was just… it feels weird especially the last victim.”

“Are you talking about the words he lured her in?” Nodding you recount how all the other victims were taken. Typically pushed into a dark alley and strangled there. Almost like the street you guys were walking down. It’s weird how the city hasn’t put that many lights out. Maybe after this they will. It wasn’t until the last victim was taken that they saw that a rock was used to knock her out. No signs of blunt force trauma in the other victims. So why the last one when they landed?

“He probably messed up and was afraid to get caught so quickly knocked her out. Not all kills go out how they would imagine it.” Knowing he would probably say the same thing as the others you just pointed at the ice cream shop a couple feet away trying to now change the topic. “I’m not saying you’re thinking without reason but there’s no point in stressing that wonderful mind of yours about this ok?” Turning you to him he placed a soft kiss to your forehead as you looked back at him. His eyes were always so loving.

You wondered how a man like him carried so much.

“Thank you Spence. Since you said that I’ll pay.” Doing his dorky little victory dance he let you latch back onto him as you got closer to the shop. Giving you one last kiss on your knuckles as you got closer to the shop.

“It’s fine like I said probably overthinking i-.”

It happened too fast.

Spencer had dragged you down with him as you let out a yelp. “Spencer! What the-!” Taking a quick look at him you saw blood running down his temple as his eyes were shut in pain.

In a swift motion you had unholstered your gun before meeting the same fate. Yours more unfortunate as it didn’t knock you out.

Knocked out of air you groaned in pain as you couldn’t feel your gun in your hands anymore. “S-Spence?” Worried the assailant will do something to him you crawled your way to his body.

“How sweet.” A cruel voice whispered at the sight. It was quickly finished as he brought the rock back up to finish the job.

-

Groaning you tried touching your head as the metal clacking made you realize your position. “No no no no!” It was useless tugging as you whipped your head around to find anything.

“There’s no point.” You couldn’t see the voice he sounded so far away. Biting your tongue you knew better to spite the person who seems very willing to jab a knife into you — you tried collecting your thoughts.

And your first thought was Spencer.

You couldn’t help but look around anxiously for the man you loved before hearing a chuckle. “I spared him! You can’t say I’m not nice.” The voice teased as you couldn’t help but let out a relieved sigh. Can’t be too relieved considering your position but somewhat. Looking up in the dark you can make out some other figure in the exact same position as you.

Same hair, same skintone, same general figure handcuffed to some blood soaked chair. “No… dammit it wasn’t only Mike.” You said in defeat as you realized you were right all along. “Too bad no one believed you. Maybe if they heard it from your boyfriend’s mouth they would’ve actually listened.” His voice was frighteningly close as you tried mustering all emotional strength you can. But the photos of the victims entered your thoughts; terrifying you. “Who the hell are you to him!”

You only saw the back of his figure as he walked closer to the other girl who was slowly waking up. Recognizing the glint of a knife you realized what’s going to happen. Looking away you quickly yelped in pain as another figure grabbed a fistful of your hair making you stare at the girl. “There’s m-more?!”

You’re panicking.

How wrong were you guys! Wiggling around it felt like your wrist was going raw with how much you were tugging.

“Mike was the one stopping us from doing what we really wanted.”

“But now he’s not here anymore.” He whispered into your ears as you yelled out seeing the girl get stabbed.

-

“Rose?”

“Doctor?” Giggling you wrapped your arms around his neck as he pulled you in for a peck. It’s Halloween and Pen decided to throw a cute little party with the team. “I love you guys but please don’t shove your loveness and ooey gooey relationship to me.” Penelope whined as she drank from her glass making everyone laugh. “Don’t worry I can shower you with all this love babygirl.” Derek comforted her wrapping his hands around her making her happy all over again. “Here have this.” Passing you a glass of water he was watching you the entire night. Not in a stalker way at least he hopes. But more as in this girl can ruin my life type of way.

“I’m so happy you did this with me.” He whispered into your ear as you heard the happiness lace his voice. He knew you weren’t the biggest fan of the show after Rose left but you always sat on that couch right beside him. Season after season. You would join him in his rewatches as you couldn’t help but see his excitement. That dorky smile you love is what you want to protect for the rest of your days.

-

Letting out a pained yell you doubled over as the knife was dragged down your shoulder. With a similar cry let out in front of you the girl was made to watch the same scene you watched a couple hours ago. “It-it’s ok, it’s ok just go anywhere else don’t be here.” You gasped tirelessly as they’ve been at it for hours. You’re dying and you feel it. You sense it. And you see it. Pooling at the bottom.

Another yell escaped from you as he finally stabbed the knife into your side. “Please stop! Please you’re killing her!” Choking up you tried talking but all you met was blood. Focusing on the droplets that fell you tried. So hard. It hurts. Everything hurts.

I want to go home.

I want Spencer.

-

“It’s ok! It’s ok!” Your panicked gasps was all you two can hear as you wiped your hair from your face. Sticky with uncontrollable sweat. Looking around wildly your eyes finally focused on him. On the person who always brings you back. “Just follow me.” He took a deep breath in and you followed suit. One two. One two. One two. Your throat felt dry as you tried swallowing down the fear. You couldn’t get her eyes out of your head. Out of your dreams, she’s following you everywhere. “You’re ok I got you.” Sweating from every part of your body, with disgusting body heat he pulled you in. Smoothing out your frizzed hair and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. With that calming voice of his making it all you hear.

“I can’t stop. She won’t leave me alone Spence.” You cried out into his arms as he held you tighter and tighter. “I know sweetheart it’ll pass. It’ll pass I swear to you it will pass.” He promised you giving you a kiss on the head. This is becoming a normal thing of sleepless nights. Every night you will wake up screaming as her eyes haunted you. And it didn’t matter to Spencer. He would hold you till the latest of night. Till the sun comes up he holds you. Even if it means his eye-bags are getting worse, and maybe he needs stronger coffee in the morning. He’ll hold you until it passes. It was a promise.

-

Her screams sounded so muffled and in a sick way you no longer care. You don’t care. You have to live. Just thinking is killing you. Time is killing you. Dried blood while new blood takes place is becoming common place. Every breath you take is met with drops of blood falling to your lap. It hurts.

It’s killing you.

-

“SpencerSpencerSpencer!” You anxiously said as you gripped his hand tighter. “How did you convince me to do this!” A yell that sounds more like a baby whine you guys were at the top. Rollercoasters. Something you love something he hates. But whatever you love he won’t love but he’ll tolerate. Thats the type of man he was. Which you love.

As the coaster sped down you heard his terrified yells as they excited you in a very non sick way. You were glad he gave this a try even if he won’t hear you out for anything more for a few months. With a sudden stop you let out a sigh of relief as the arm bar went up. Hopping off you see Spencer shaking as he got off. A baby deer.

Laughing internally to not make him feel embarrassed you let him grab onto your arm. “I can’t I’m sorry sweetheart but that’s the last one.” Now voicing out your laugh you gave him a quick kiss on his lip as you guided him to the gift shop. “Don’t worry I won’t make you suffer physically.” Pulling out a cute headband that you noticed couples wearing around the park you placed it on top of his handsome head. “Maybe emotionally wearing these.” Putting on some matching ones you took out your phone opening the camera. Facing it towards you he immediately made a kissy face towards you, and in turn you squish his cheeks together happily. “We look so cute!”

“You look cut-.” Putting a finger over his lips you shake your head. “Don’t ruin this.” He laughed in response as he saw you click buttons that he didn’t understand. “Look!” There you guys were on your phone wallpaper capturing the love you share for one another. A love you can’t have with anyone else but him.

And you both loved it.

-

The same wallpaper you had was teased so far away from you as Spencer was calling endlessly. You couldn’t hear the girl across from you anymore knowing you’re not too far away from her.

It hurts.

You want to give up.

You were giving up.

-

“When do you think we should tell them?” You fiddled with the bracelet that had the silver ring around it. It doesn’t look suspicious in anyway simply new. “Whenever you’re ready.” He wants to go at your pace, whatever pace you want he’ll follow right behind. “It feels nice having this just for us.”

You remembered the intimate date Spencer had set up. It was your anniversary as he opted out for a fancy restraunt dinner than home-cooked one. He knew you would’ve appreciated whatever he called dinner by the end of the day. But the nerves were eating him alive he needed to make sure everything was perfect. Just for you. It felt like every other dinner date just a little fancier. And it was a nice change of pace. It was becoming slowly obvious what Spencer was going through. Sweatier palms than normal, bouncing knee, having to clear his throat every few minutes. You understood clearly what was going to happen. You were a profiler after all.

But it didn’t matter if you knew. Opening the gift it’s a vintage jewelry box you’ve been eyeing for years. As the small intricate details made it pop so much more. You adored it. As you opened the box there was the two rings. A hidden engagement ring and one that would put anyone’s to shame. Not in a wow look at me stone. But a beautiful simple cut. “O my god Spencer…it’s so freaking pretty.” You gushed as he grabbed it and put it on you. He didn’t need to do the speech, you’ve guys talked in length of how marriage life you guys would want it. Two over thinkers after all you both need the confirmation with one another. Even though it’s clear the one or the other can’t live without one another.

“I’m probably going to keep on referring you as my boyfriend… I feel like it’s going to be hard to remember.”

“It’s ok it’s better that way for now.” Placing a soft kiss on your hand you etched his smile into your memory. Forever and ever. The love he had in his smile gave you a sense of joy that you needed.

-

“Y/N? O my God I found her! H-here open your eyes.” Feeling cold hands meet your face she tilted it up and you see its Emily. They found you? Really? It can’t be true. Trying to speak you sputtered whatever blood you had left as you slowly blinked. It was hard.

“Sweetheart? No no no.” You see Emily moved out of your way and there he was. Your fiancé. “I remembered…” You mumbled out knowing you sound insane it’s been so long since you heard your voice. “We need medic in here right now!”

“I got you here please stay with me.” He sounded desperate, a tone you’ve never heard before. And it was because of you. Your chest hurts physically and mentally. “Please I need you just stay awake a little bit longer.” You heard him cry out as his grip on you tightened refusing to let you. He can’t, he won’t. He needs you. Without you he’s gone, he won’t be him. You became another piece of him you can’t just leave him. He didn’t care as the tears fell freely as medic felt like it was taking forever. Doing what he can he whimpered as he saw all the marks made on you as you barely registered the pain as he put a cloth over it. You are alive he saw you alive. But as he was pulled away by Morgan as the medics needed to get to you. He can’t forget it. How the sweet head he used to leave kisses on fell limply to the side.

He wants you to stay alive.

It was hard. And you just couldn’t.

[vomitingwords]

"I don't want to think about it now," one of my closest friends once told me. "I'll think about what I can do once I'm already in that situation," she even added.

Before we got into this conversation, I was ranting about my life. And why are things not happening the way I want them to? As if the universe is against what I want. These past few months have quite stressed me out, and I don't have anyone to tell these things to. Because, honestly, I never wanted to bother anyone. I am just a typical person who keeps things to herself. Especially if it's too personal for me to share.

Earlier, while I was traveling to work, this conversation struck me once again. And I just remembered that I also said that before to someone I know. I used to think that way. I used to tell other people the same phrase every time they asked me what I would do if I were in a certain situation. And you see, I used to not overthink too much. Yes, I am an overthinker, but not to the point that I am experiencing now. I just thought that my overthinking got the best of me. I'm on the verge of quitting everything that I'm passionate about. In short, I was so close to giving up and stopping everything that makes my heart feel alive. I haven't felt so genuine in a while, as if everything I wrote was nothing but mere words that have no meaning at all. Something I don't really feel like writing about. I stopped having a long conversation with anyone. I stopped listening to what they really had to say. And just think, think, and think until it's time for me to go to sleep.

But then I remembered who I was before. I remembered that girl who doesn't easily give up on things just because she's stressed out. I remembered that girl who loved to lift people up with her words. I remembered someone who would not let anyone stop her from achieving what she wanted. I remembered who I was. I remembered myself saying, "Let's see what I will do if I'm in that situation." Even if I am not sure what I can exactly do when that moment comes, even if I'm not sure if I'm still alive to witness that, I remembered how hopeful I was. And I remembered how much faith I have that things will always work out. And even if they don't, it just means that it wasn't meant for me at all.

I just want to tell you that sometimes you have to remind yourself of the old you—the you who have lived and survived in the past—just to get you where you are right now. And remember that if you don't like where you are right now, you still have a chance to do something that might change where you're going. It might be a tough road to walk on. But the most important thing is that you've done something. You've never abandoned yourself and just given up on what you really want to do.

Hello, I'm just dropping by // ma.c.a

[rikisniffles]

chapter fifteen[西村力] my first love was a boy ✧ NISHIMURA RIKI (NI-KI) X M!READER

SYNOPSIS — l/n y/n is a member of boynextdoor under hybe/koz. being an idol has always been y/n's dream, and ever since it became true he has been more than happy. despite being an idol, he doesn't know many other idols outside his group. when he runs into his seniors, a seemingly never-ending spiral of embarrassing moments occurs.

disclaimer !! : every idol in my stories is a character and does not always reflect the actual person (i do my best but for entertainment purposes, it may be off)

— fic masterlist / info

chapter fifteen - personal melatonin

warning: written part (1.1K), kinda angsty but not too much ni-ki just tired

You stand outside of Ni-ki's shared dorm, a plastic bag in your hand as you fidget with the other one. You have half the mind to knock politely, but you didn't want to wake up the rest of the apartment. You could text Ni-ki, but you already told him to leave the door unlocked. You internally punch yourself for overthinking. 

After some internal hyping up, you turn the door handle quietly. It was unlocked. You hold your breath as you take a peek inside.

Most of the lights were off, save for the dim hallway light. Anxiety fills you as you realize you've never been in Ni-ki's room. All the doors were closed... and you had no idea which one was his. You stand cluelessly in the hallway. Your grip on the bag tightens.

A door opens from the hallway slowly. You expect it to be Ni-ki, but it's someone shorter. 

Jay stumbles out of his room, running his fingers through his messy hair. His face contorts in confusion, standing up straight as he looks at you. He crosses his arms and leans against the door frame. 

"You okay, Y/n?" He asked, looking down at the plastic bag in your hand. 

You nod, "Where's Ni-ki's room?" 

"Uh..." He blinks, pointing down the hall, "Right there. I think he's asleep—" 

"I was just talking to him." You shrug, "Thank you." You bow, heading towards his room. 

"Hey," Jay stops you. You turn around to listen better. "Not too late, okay? We got a full schedule tomorrow." 

You nod politely, taking his words into account. He could've kicked you out, scolded you for being here so late, or got mad for waking him up. But he didn't. He knows Ni-ki is old enough to make his own decisions.

You open the bedroom door slowly, peeking your head in. You enter fully when you make eye contact with Ni-ki, who sits upright in his bed. He paused scrolling on his phone to smile at you. 

"I brought food." You hold up the plastic bag, and his face drops. 

"You didn't have to." 

"I'd feel rude if I showed up with only something for myself." You step into the room, closing the door. "Eat it or don't, save it for later." You place the bag on the small table in the middle of the room. Ni-ki stands up, rubbing his eyes and taking a seat on his small couch. 

You take the spot next to him, your legs brushing against each other. Ni-ki tells you about his day, telling you about practice and the rest of his full schedule. You reply back with your more lenient but still stressful schedule. With the whole comeback happening, you could really use a break like this. You loved your members, but being around the same six people every day could get tiring. 

Ni-ki eats about half of his food before putting his utensils down and leaning back on the couch. "You okay?" You question, mirroring his actions. 

"Tired." He rubs his eyes again.

You chuckle, reaching out to move the hair from his face. "I didn't have to come over, y'know?" 

"I didn't want to waste my free time." He leans into your touch, opening his eyes to look at you. You crumble completely under his gaze. He notices this as you take your hand away. He leans his head further into the couch and pouts, "Why'd you do that?" 

"Do what?" You respond. He sighs, his body sinking into the couch and closing his eyes. He ignored you.

"This couch is only comfortable when you're sitting..." He complains, stretching his back out as it cracks. 

“That’s because you’re a giant with a small couch.” You roll your eyes with a chuckle. 

“Don’t be mean.” He groans. His body falls against yours, leaning his weight on you. He bends to reach his head on your shoulder. It’s clear he’s not that comfortable. Despite that, he wants to be near you. 

The muffled “I missed you.” confirms this. Ni-ki thought this went unheard, not bothering to repeat himself out of embarrassment. You heard it though, looking away as heat rises to your cheeks. 

You clear your throat, “You should get some sleep.” 

“No, no—” He sits up in a panic, “I’m awake, I can turn on the playstation, or we can just sit and talk—”

“Relax!” His shoulders fall as you place a comforting but stern hand on them. He sighs again as you talk, “You just need rest, Ki. You look exhausted.” 

“I—” He pauses, “Yeah, I am.” He admits, leaning forward and resting his head in his hands. He rubs his temples with his fingers. 

He freezes when you place a hand on his back, circling it with your palm. 

“I’m tired too.” You sympathize, “I can’t get any sleep at home... Woonhak snores.” You half-joke. He does… loud. You can usually ignore it. 

Ni-ki laughs, relaxing once again under your touch, “I don’t snore... You could always stay here.” 

You remove your hand, caught off guard by the idea of a sleepover. Not just any sleepover, a sleepover proposed to you by your guy friend and hardcore crush. 

And Ni-ki lied, he does snore. 

Ni-ki was out almost instantly, like you were his personal melatonin. Like he had waited his whole life for you to just lay down next to him.

Despite your anxiety telling you to run far away from this situation, you decided to stay. Laying atop your friend's bed as stiff as a board, while he had squeezed himself closer to the wall to allow you more room. Only, it’s not easy sharing a bed made for one person with someone as tall as him. And someone who moves as much as him... 

Even though you were facing the other way, you could feel him shift behind you. His snoring you could deal with; it wasn’t as loud as Woonhaks... and you didn’t want to admit you found it kind of endearing coming from him. 

As you started drifting, a weight was placed against your waist. Your eyes shoot open in a panic as the soft weight turned to pressure around your body. You piece together your situation as your thoughts become less jumbled.

Ni-ki wraps his arms around your waist, pulling your back closer to his chest. He buries his head into your neck, inhaling sharply and then sighing against your skin. The sensation of his breath against your skin creates goosebumps as you shiver. Soon he lifts a leg over your body, completely trapping you in his grasp. 

Your heart races, feeling a bit nauseous over the situation. You had a feeling this would happen. You heard he used to cuddle people in his sleep from his hyungs, who used that fact to embarrass him. However, he claimed he no longer did that. Guess he lied about that too.

Your heart rate slows down after a few minutes of anxiety. Exhaustion overtakes any other emotion you have. You fall into sleep, completely overtaken by Ni-ki's warmth and comfort.

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— koki's note ★ ; will be posting more consistent soon, i havent wrote anything in a while so i need yall to be paitent with me... anyways enjoy this sweet little chapter. also tags still not really working i apologize ive tried everything i think im just dumb as hell

edit. also just added a tag to these that u can follow to make it easier since my tags don't wanna work. won't work as well but you'll be able to see the recent stuff in 'latest' #myfirstlovewasaboy-rikisniffles

[coca-lastic]

Here For You | F. Odair

Summary: Finnick takes care of you when you're on your period

Tw: Menstruation, insecurities, boyfriend!Finnick, stress

A/N: I'm sorry if the representation of menstruation in this story doesn't match your personal experience, normally my fics are created from thoughts I have myself. My first language is not English, so if there is an error I would appreciate it if you could tell me <3

Second day waking up in sheets completely stained with blood. Cursing yourself for not having put darker colored sheets, gray wasn't enough, it seemed.

Normally when you're on your period all you want to do is literally do nothing. You just get up, eat whatever you have in the refrigerator for breakfast, sleep or watch a movie until lunchtime arrives, order something to eat and continue watching series and movies while eating chocolate.

Definitely everything you wanted. But not today. Finnick had invited you for a morning walk for over a week. Apparently he bought you some gifts.

Finnick is too sweet to cancel his plans. So you started to get ready, starting with a hot shower to dull the pain, or at least that's what you wanted because it turned out to be completely useless.

Getting out of the shower you start dressing with the first thing you packed. Of course, you didn't expect to finish dressing, look in the mirror and completely beg for your reflection.

What was the point of showering and getting ready if the result would still be negative?

You hated thinking like that, inside you knew that it was part of the symptoms of menstruation but...what if it wasn't?

Maybe if you looked bad, maybe those clothes didn't flatter you, or maybe the makeup was too little and didn't cover all your imperfections.

How the fuck could you see your boyfriend looking so bad?

First of all, how the fuck would he want to see you looking like that?

Normally you would keep thinking about it, over and over again until you destroy yourself. But not today. It was probably already late, there was no time to overthink. So you decided to look for other clothes.

But there wasn't. There were no clothes that fit you well, there were no clothes that could make your body look like the body you want to have, there are no clothes that can cover those details that you hate so much.

Some tears began to leak from your eyes, you tried to hold them back. It wasn't time to cry. Not today.

But it was difficult, it was difficult to try to contain your thoughts when you always felt that even the smallest thing was against you.

When you finally found some pants that might fit you and tried to put them on, you realized that they were too big for you.

"I should eat more..."

"It should look better..."

No, not now, not today.

When you resumed your search for clothes you heard the doorbell ring in your house and all you wished was that it was a girl wearing something and not your boyfriend.

But no, because today everything was against you.

You walked towards the living room, wearing pants that were too big for you and the shirt from the first outfit, looking terrible.

You opened the door a crack, allowing only your face to be seen. And there he was. How did he manage to look so good at all times? He didn't have to wear many things to look perfect, he didn't have to cover up imperfections to be satisfied, he didn't have to search for almost half an hour until he could make him look handsome.

"Hi hon- hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" His face changed in a single second, it went from one of his perfect, bright smiles to a worried face. Great, you couldn't even keep his happiness intact from him.

"Yeah...I'm fine" you said with your voice a little raspy and broken by the tears you had shed recently. "You're early, what a miracle"

"Honey, I'm 20 minutes late," Finnick commented, his worried face analyzing how little of your body was visible.

"Oh really?" When had time passed so quickly? Maybe when you were in the middle of your emotional crisis, but you didn't remember crying for so long... or maybe you did but you didn't want to admit it. "I'm sorry Finn, I'm not ready yet. Wait for me in the living room, I'll be ready in about 10 minutes" You opened the door a little more to allow him to enter. You were quite ashamed of how you currently looked so as soon as he entered your house you wanted to run to your room to continue with the shit you were doing.

But he grabbed your hand and made you turn to him "Hey love, what's wrong?" “He said in the most caring and loving voice possible, making you feel guilty.

"It's nothing Finnick, I was just a little stressed..."

"Love, if you want to stay home that's fine, and you don't have to keep the stress to yourself. You know I'm here for you when you need a shoulder to cry on." Stay at home? After Finnick has been planning this damn ride for like 2 weeks? Of course not.

"Finnick, I'm fine, and I don't need to cry, it's not that serious, let me go get dressed..."

"Love, your eyes are red and your makeup is a little smudged, don't lie to me. You know that I care about you and if you cry it's okay, it's normal, but don't hold back, talk to me"

"Finnick, I'm fine. I- I was just a little stressed, the walk is going to help me." Of course not, the walk has only caused more stress than menstruation normally brings.

"Honey...I won't bother if you want us to stay."

"Why the hell do you keep insisting so much on staying?! Let's go on the damn ride you've been wanting so much and that's it!" You said desperately, releasing yourself from his grip and walking quickly towards your room.

The tears returned to your eyes. You sat on the floor to continue looking for the right clothes in the mountain of things you had made on the floor. Now not only were you a mess, but your room too.

You rummaged through the clothes but there was nothing. Why the fuck wasn't there anything that made you look pretty?

The pain in your belly began to get stronger when you began to cry. You knew that stress would only make the pain worse, but it wasn't easy to stop it when you knew you had to do something quickly.

You brought your two hands to your belly when you had a very strong pain and simply let the few tears you had managed to contain come out. Tears were streaming down your face, you felt your makeup ruining more than it already was. Everything around you felt like a complete disaster, a cold, stressful mess.

"Love..." Finnick knelt next to you, since when had he been here?

In the middle of the cold environment around you, his arms surrounded you, giving you a comforting warmth, a warmth so beautiful and special. He rubbed the top of your back, giving you silent support. But that didn't stop the pain in your belly.

"Finn... It hurts so much" You whimpered as you put your head on his shoulder and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"What? What hurts you love?" He separated from you a little to examine your body in search of any bruises or cuts. His worried eyes analyzed you.

You didn't let him finish examining you perfectly, you didn't like him getting away, in fact he didn't even stop hugging you, but he walked away. So you pressed him against you again. "My belly...damn, I hate seeing a woman"

“Oh honey…” he continued rubbing his hands on your back. Your statement explained a lot of things and also gave him a clue as to what he could do to calm you down.

Finnick stood up while still hugging you. At the sudden movement you wrapped your legs around his torso. You looked like a koala, hugging him so tightly.

"Hold on tight, pretty girl." He started walking, so you braced your legs a little more around him. You couldn't see where he was going, but when you heard drops of water falling on the floor, you realized he brought you to the bathroom.

But he didn't bring you to take a shower. He grabbed the towel you normally use to dry your hands and dipped it in the hot water from the shower. Then he took you to bed and tried to lay you down, but you didn't want to let go, you were comfortable and after a morning full of stress and pain you didn't want to let go of the comfort.

"Come on love, the towel will help you"

You ignored him, you didn't really want to argue. He put you in a comfortable position and he put the hot towel on your stomach, helping to soothe the pain in a very satisfying way.

"Fucking god..." You sighed with a smile at the satisfaction of the pain subsiding.

"I'll make you some tea and bring you some pills, okay?"

"Finn...no, it's not necessary. Seriously, you wanted to go for a walk with me for days"

"Love, forget that stupid walk. I wanted to spend time with you, not time with the walk" He gave your nose a brief kiss and stood up "The walk was just an extra to the main goal" You followed his steps and tried to get up, but his hand on your arms didn't let you. "Hey, hey, what do you think you're doing?

"Finnick, the room and I are a mess, look at that mountain of clothes, I need to pick them up" He opened his mouth to protest but you interrupted him. "And look at my makeup, it will cause irritation if I don't take it off right now."

"You stay in bed, I'll do it. I can take off your makeup and, if you promise me you'll take off your makeup and stop thinking about the stupid walk, then I'll clean your room." He raised his pinky finger like a little child, hoping you would reciprocate his treatment.

He watched for a few seconds, considering how lucky he had been to find him. And the bad luck he had had in finding you.

"Ok... But I owe you something" you raised your pinky and wrapped it around his, causing him to laugh happily.

"Perfect. I'll bring the makeup remover, then I'll make the tea and bring the pill, ok?"

"Perfect"

He ran away like a child who wants to pour a glass of water from his mother in less than a minute. A few seconds later he came with everything he needed to remove the mess on my face. He did it gently, with a delicacy that I don't even use when removing my makeup.

"Ready, first task finished" And as a sign that he finished it, he gave you a brief weight on your lips before running away again, this time next to the towel that was on your belly previously, it was already cold so he decided to return. to warm it up.

On his next arrival he brought you the towel, the pill, a glass of water and another kiss to mark the completion of the task.

And for the last time he left, leaving you quite relaxed, but there were still traces of stress. The room was a mess and being alone in your room the thoughts didn't stop.

Until he arrives again, he is there with a cup of tea and some gift boxes.

"For my beautiful girl, he is the owner of my heart and the only person I clean the room for," he said, handing me the boxes and placing the cup on the table next to the bed. "These are the gifts I wanted to give you, but open them when I'm done cleaning, I want to see your reaction" and there it was, the kiss that declared the gift-giving completed. The kiss was a soft, loving, warm kiss. It made you feel complete, forget about those insecurities that wouldn't let you in peace and from the stress that was kept in your head.

After the kiss Finnick started to pick up the clothes. It took about half an hour to clean up your mess, but he did it. Meanwhile you only see it while you drink your tea. He knew how to make your tea, he knew how to make you happy, how to comfort you, how to cheer you up, he was so perfect.

And you just wish you were as perfect for him as he is for you.

"What's wrong love?"

"Oh, are you done cleaning?"

"Yes, my lady, is there anything else I can please you with?" He gave an acted bow, causing you to giggle lightly.

"No Finn, thank you, you've done enough" You said kissing him, to mark the last task completed.

"I guess now I can fulfill my goal of being with you" he lay down next to you, looking directly into your eyes, seeing you with love, with admiration, with affection. "You are so Beautiful".

And those words hit right in the center of your heart. They were such easy words to say, words that he said to you often, but now they have a different impact because after long hours of thinking of yourself as a total disaster, those words were simply gold to you.

"Are you sure about that? I...Finnick, I don't have a beautiful body. Today I tried to wear these damn pants and they are too big on me and this- this shirt makes me look bad, and- and I've cried like a little girl since that you arrived" Your tears accumulated in your eyes again and you just wanted to repress them there, so that they wouldn't come out.

"My love, don't be mad at me but that's one of the dumbest things I've heard this year. You- Honey I don't even know how to explain how beautiful you are. You don't even have to follow a beauty standard, you are the standard. Even crying you look like the most beautiful person on the entire fucking planet. And probably if I could read my thoughts every time I see you, you would never say things like that."

"But Finn I-"

"No buts, you're beautiful," He began to kiss every part of you, starting with your hands, then he got on top of you without crushing you, he moved the hot towel a little and kissed your belly, then he went up a little higher and kissed near your navel, then he went up to your breasts and, although he did not kiss them so as not to change the warm atmosphere, he passed his lips over the area, creating a ghost effect, he kissed your collarbone, he kissed your neck until he left a mark, he kissed your jaw, he kissed your nose, your ears, your eyes, your forehead, your head, and finally, your lips, he kissed them delicately, and with love. "Fuck, you saying you're not beautiful and me thinking how someone can just exploit the word beauty and be more than that."

"I love you so much Finnick" You said with cries of happiness, love and warmth escaping your eyes "I love you so much"

"I love you too, my love, more than I ever thought I could love." And with that he gave you a kiss on your lips, marking the end of the real task, making you happy. "The gifts, open them."

You got up a little to sit down and grabbed the 3 boxes, one of them was quite large, the other was a medium-sized box, maybe the size of a shoe wedge, and the third was quite small.

You started with the big one, seeing a lot of goodies inside. Chocolates, gummies, cookies. Everything he knew you liked

"Oh Finn, thank you very much. I'll probably eat all the chocolates today" you said looking at him mischievously like a little girl. He just imitated your position and he smiled at you.

You opened the second box, they were books. Your complete favorite damn saga, including the ones you haven't read. You looked at him surprised, your look said more than any thank you you could say. "Finnick, I love you, you're incredible" you said with impressive seriousness, making him laugh.

"Open the third one, it's the best"

You opened the third box, the smallest. And for a few seconds you were just left processing the information, with tears threatening to come out. With happiness overflowing from your heart. And for a moment you thought it was a dream, so you turned to Finnick, waiting for him to confirm or deny your suspicions.

"Will you marry me?"

And at that very moment you realized that nothing would make you happier than marrying him.

"Yes, oh my god, of course!" and you jumped into his arms crying and thinking that you were acting like a girl again.

Until you moved away so you could kiss him and you realized that he was just as happy as you, with teary eyes and a smile so beautiful that you kept it forever in your memory.

"Fuck, I was extremely nervous, I think my heart stopped for a moment" he said laughing more, staring into your eyes, eyes as teary as his own.

And you stuck your lips to his, swearing that you were going to be as perfect for him as he is for you and you were going to do everything he had done for you.

I literally improvised the marriage proposal so I don't know if it's shit or it turned out well, but I hope you enjoyed it <3

Finnick Odair watching Snow's death be like:

[justwonder113]

Showering Seungmin with affection Part 2

First part right here

Bang Chan; Lee Know ; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Felix; IN;

Summary: While wide awake thinking about your poor life choices and even poorer choice in men the least thing you expect is for Seungmin to call you and ask for your help. Warnings: Not really accurate to name, because to be honest I never once considered writing the second part while writing the first one but once I got all these requests about writing continuation I just knew I had to do it; LOADS of cursing, like really, I have no shame; Idiots in love; Reader is whipped but is in denial; Emotionaly reserved reader; Denial is a river in Egypt you are in love! Like really, reader really tries their best to fight it while also not? I hope it makes sense once you read it it's like 3 am I can't think better. Reader is an overthinker. Seungmin has a headache. Shy Seungmin for a moment (Coudln't help myself) I can't think of anything else, If I missed something please let me know. Unedited. Word count-3.5k

If you like my work you can buy me coffee🩷

This was fucking ridiculous! To think that two whole months went by since your vocation and here you were at two am wide fucking awake still thinking about kissing Kim Seungmin!

You still had no idea what kind of bug bit you for you to act so recklessly, but here you were still stressing over it. But really, why were you still thinking about it? It was in the past, you were both drunk, there was chemistry and tension so you made out end of story! Why were you making such a big deal out of it? Why now? Two months went by, both of you, mostly you,(no really, you) made a conscious decision to act like nothing happened. And if we were being honest, this meant that you avoided Seungmin like the plague because you knew he wanted to talk.

Okay, you were not ignorant of your feelings, and, as much as you hated the mere idea of it you liked Kim Seungmin. No big deal, it's just a crush, it will surely go away pretty soon, you just need to wait.

.....

Okay, you liked him, quite a lot, it wasn't just a crush and you absolutely hated the fact. Why him? Anyone would be a better choice but him! What the hell was wrong with you?! Here you were all pouty and shit because, despite the fact that you were the one avoiding him, you actually missed him. God, this was so ridiculous!

To be or not to be that is the question, well in your case the question is how to stop liking someone, because you were already sick of this shit. Also, to be real, there's no way things could work out between you two. You were always fighting and at each other's throats, you have said to each other most vile and meanest words ever in the heat of an argument. The point was, that there was no peace when you two were involved, you two always disagreed on everything and if you were to get into a relationship how would that work? You didn't want to fight back and forth with a person you call your boyfriend. It also didn't help that both of you were too fucking stubborn for your own good, backing down was not in your dictionary. You didn't want to be in a relationship like that. Okay, relationship sounded too serious, you didn't even know if he liked you back. He was attracted to you to some extent but you didn't know how he actually felt towards you. You hated this the most, you never knew what he was thinking, what his deal was. He was a walking mystery. An open book at first sight but full of secrets once you got to know him. Maybe that's why you were drown to him, but was it a smart move from your side?

You didn't know what his deal was, whether he liked you back and that's why he kissed you back and taunted and flirted with you or whether this was one of his little games he liked to play. Even if his intentions were genuine, it wasn't like he was this villain mastermind bad guy, you didn't feel like you could be at ease with him, and security in relationship was something you deeply valued. And If he was actually pulling something you would walk right into his trap and in the fit of rage you would have to murder him, and going into prison wasn't your go to plan in the near future at least.

Why did he have to be so confusing? Literally things would be so much easier if were to fall for someone else, literally anyone, but no, you had to be difficult.

He made you question everything and it really terrified you.

You sighed and turned into your bed. Fucking Kim Seungmin making you stay up this late at night, even not here he managed and pissed you off. You did wonder what was he up to? Probably sleeping, any sane person would be asleep right now.

Maybe he was up thinking about you too?

Okay you were feeding your delusions now. There's no way he would lose a minute of sleep for you. It would be fun though if you were tormenting him like he was tormenting you right now.

That being said your phone lit up from incoming call, and what shocked you more was to see that the little devil himself was calling you.

Did you manifest this? Should you pick up? No way. What was he thinking calling you at this ungodly hour? You were not even close! You could pretty much be asleep and seeing your seventh dream of the night right now. What a selfish prick!

You still picked up the phone, and tried to sound as groggy as you could, acting as if he woke you up(fuck principles I guess). "Why the fuck are you awake?" His quiet chuckle made you pout even more, you could clearly imagine him smiling at his phone being all cute and shit and it made you even more huffy now.

"I could ask you the same thing sunshine." He purred clearly amused.

"I was asleep thank you very much." You sighed maybe he really needed your help and that's why he was calling. "Someone better be dying."

"First of all I know you're awake Your lights are on, and well about someone dying, would it still matter if the dying person was me?"

You shot out of bed, phone still in your hand and ran towards your window. Seungmin immediately saw you and waved at you small smile adorning his face. You wanted to question him but before you could ask he started talking, "I didn't know where else to go." You didn't know what to say.

"Come inside."

Seungmin agreed and you hung up. You had no clue what was going on. If it was an emergency why did he come to you? You could never understand him! You quickly looked around if there was anything out of place not that you had time to tidy up. Thankfully you cleaned up the house, insomnia sometimes had it's perks.

After hearing a soft knock you rushed to your door and opened it. Seungmin looked a bit pale but other than that nothing was out of ordinary. He had a blank face which was confusing you even more. "I bought you snacks." he showed you a packet full of your favourite goodies. Did he actually know they were your favorite? Was this a coincidene? Did he also happened to have a great taste? Were you overthinking a bag of snacks?-Probably.

"Thank you for the offer, I shall grant you passage." You tried to sound as dramatic as possible, Seungmin smiled at you. Weirdo. After letting him in the house you examined him again, but still nothing was out of normal. You let him sit on the couch while you sat in front of him. The silence was so awkward that you started munching on one of the snacks. You offered him some, but he softly shook his head. "What's wrong?"

"Are you worried about me?" He gasped softly as if he coudln't believe what he was hearing. He was spending way too much time with Hyunjin, all dramatic and for what?" You decided to take the matter into your hands.

"No I just want to know what to tell the police if you really do die in my house." Seungmin gave you a small smile again. You coudln't name what was off but he really didn't look like himself today.

You slowly approached him not breaking the eye contact, quietly asking for consent to touch him. He looked at you with wide eyes, not saying anything, you softly touched his cheeks, then his forehead, you even touched your own forehead to make sure but no he didn't have a fever. His eyes were a bit more red and slightly irritated and, as you said, he looked paler than usual. "What's wrong?" He looked at you but quickly looked away as if he couldn't look you in the eyes. He almost looked bashful.

After a while he muttered out something about a headache and how he couldn't sleep at all.

"God I can't believe you, you should have called not go all the way to come here or you could have called a doctor! You could've bought some painkillers instead of worrying about bringing snacks! God Seungmin!" You kept yapping about how dangerous it was for him to wander around while in pain and everything, but on the inside you kind of hoped he knew that you were not mad, just worried.

"I know, I just"-he paused thinking over his next words, "I knew I had to see you. I didn't know where else to go. At first I went out to clear my head, next thing I knew I was in front of your house." He looked like he really was in pain.

You two sat in silence for a minute or two, you were about to get up to get some painkillers for him and maybe some hot tea but he stopped you, well more likely looked at you with pleading eyes and you just couldn't move.

"Can I hug you?" You must have been visibly stunned because he quickly backed down. "I'm sorry I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. God! I don't even know what I'm doing and..." You didn't let him finish his ramble, as if your body moved on its own, you sat beside him and softly wrapped your hands around him, slowly bringing him against your body as if he was fragile and could break any moment. Seungmin Immediately relaxed once he rested his head on your shoulder and also wrapped his hands around your waist. You let him be. It felt like your heart would jump right out of your ribcage and despite being terrified that he could also hear just what he did to you, you felt weirdly at peace holding him like this. You must have lost your mind. A minute ago you were preaching yourself how you should stay away from him and how you and him had no job being together. How ironic.

You just sat there holding each other, you didn't even know how much time you spent like this, both of you barely moving, just you sometimes patting his shoulder as if to remind him that you were with him and maybe also because you liked touching him. With every little pat he squeezed you a little, which, not going to lie, you found endearing.

Some more moments passed before he decided that it was time to start talking. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

He sighed, his breath his breath hitting your neck made you shiver. He straightened up, it was weird letting him go, it felt like you were missing something.

"You made it clear that you didn't want to deal with me after that night..." -He paused and looked away, it was really dark in the room illuminated by only one lamp so maybe you were just being delusional, but was he blushing? - " and here I am now, disturbing you... I should go." He got up and started heading to the door but you stopped him.

"Where are you going?" He looked at you all baffled and confused, he looked much more awake right now.

"Home?" He sounded so unsure. You quickly shook your head.

"You're staying here, it's late and you're in pain. There's no way I am letting you go!" You stated sternly, he looked really ashamed which made you soften up a little. "Listen I know things got messy between us after that night and I shouldn't have just avoided you like that, but you need to stay here. That or we're going to a nearby clinic! There's no way I am leaving you alone. Better choose wisely." He looked unsure, but once he saw that you were not going to back down he gave in.

"Okay you win." He was clearly unamused to say this words, you, on the other hand were literally thriving.

"Of course I do." He wanted to say something back but you didn't let him. You started leading him back inside "Listen up big guy, I am going to make you tea, were going to eat some snacks and you're going to take some painkillers and then we're going to sleep sound good?"

"As you wish sunshine." He had his goofy smile on. It totally didn't make your heart do a backflip, not at all.

You got to work, you sat him down on the sofa while you started preparing things. Soon enough you were happily munching on your snacks with some hot tea. Seungmin seemed like he was in a better mood he even teased you for almost burning yourself with hot water. Well of course after fretting over you like a worried mother hen and making sure you were all right. It was like you were seeing a whole new side of him, it was different and you liked it. You felt calm sitting here with him, calm, just existing. It felt kind of domestic. It reminded you when you were laying in snow then just watching snow fall on the ground. It was a miracle you didn't catch a cold. You couldn't imagine you could do mundane things like this with him, without fighting, without the urge to strangle him to shut him up.

Once you were done and Seungmin did admit that he was feeling better it was time to go to bed, which was when things got a little bit awkward.

"I will sleep on the couch, I don't want to disturb you more than I already have." You rolled your eyes why was he still yapping about disturbing you and stuff.

"Sure if you want backpain along with your headache. We're both adults, I think we can sleep in the same bed. It's not a big deal." Yup you were totally fine with this. Absolutely, yes, of course! You were going to sleep in the same bed as him, no biggie. Who were you even kidding? You were absolutely dying inside. How did you manage to find yourself into this situation was beyond you. It was late to back down now. You already blurted this out, so you should stick to it.

You quickly left him to get him some clothes to change into, Yes, you ran away, but you preferred to call it a tactical retreat.

Here you were now tho, nowhere to run, in the same bed as him, with him just laying there in your oversized t-shirt and looking at you with confused eyes. Why did he have to look at you like that? It was enough you felt like the butterflies in your stomach were like breakdancing sumo wrestlers, but this? Was he always this adorable? His cheeks looked extra squishy, his eyes looked extra sparkly, his lips... extra kissable.

This was too much! You felt bipolar from the way you wanted to feel his lips against yours again and kiss him sensless while also wanting to run away from here because you were scared you were actually going to do it.

"I don't get you sometimes." He muttered out and turned fully towards you, his gaze was so intense you thought you felt it burn your skin. For a second you felt afraid he knew what you were thinking just now.

It makes two of us-you thought, while you were complaining not getting what his deal was, you also couldn't fully understand what you were getting at right now. It felt like your every move was contradicting each other, and this push and pull situation you were creating was also starting to bother you.

Based on your lack of reaction Seungmin decided to continue talking his voice low, almost whispering. "You say that laying in the same bed is no big deal and here you are about to fall out of bed trying to stay far from me as possible yet at the same time look at me with this loving eyes, you said that us kissing wasn't a big deal, but you spend next two months avoiding even breathing near me. Do you hate the idea of us being something this much?" You finally turned and looked into his eyes, full of longing waiting for your answer, pleading with you. You knew you had to say the truth. You couldn't run out of this one.

"I'm confused and scared" you hated how vulnarable you felt, how open, but you felt like you just had to say this. Not for him, not really, but for you. For once you wanted to show to tell just what you were feeling. Just truth without any filters, without altering it.

Seungmin held your hand, the warm touch of his hand made you feel even more vulnerable but at least somewhat grounded. You were grateful for the ounce of courage it gave you. "I'm scared too. I've never felt more confused in my life. I couldn't sleep or eat normally for days, why do you think that night didn't affect me too? All I can think about it you! What are you up to, what are you doing? What are you thinking. Every little thing reminds me of you. I felt like shit today, and the only person I could think of was you, I knew I had to see you. I haven't even realized when I started walking. I was in my house laying awake in my bed. The next thing I knew, I was in front of your house with a bag full of snacks I know you love. I didn't even know I knew these things about you. At least I wasn't aware of it." He sighed as if trying not to stray away from his course and calm himself he looked into your eyes again, his hand tightly holding yours. "Let's start by simple things. We don't have to rush anything. I like you, a lot. I don't regret at all making out with you that night. I like you. Maybe I feel even more, but I won't use that word now. Neither of us is ready." It was like you forgot how to brethe. You never expected Seungmin to open up like to you. Maybe this was all a dream, but since when were dreams so realistic?

Seungmin smiled at you, maybe he noticed something about you that you haven't noticed yet. "I know we've mixed up the order, according to our friends we've bickered like an old married couple, we've made out and well I'm literally in your bed right now," you couldn't help but laugh at his comment, you smacked his arm with your free hand. "What I'm saying is that we've messed up order of things, yes, but I want to make things right between us. What do you say about giving us a chance? Will you go out with me?" God what a dork, you couldn't help but smile.

"Can I hug you?" Seungmin clearly didn't expect to be hit with the same question he asked you when he got here, but despite his surprise, he immediately opened his arms. Feeling a bit brave, you scooted closer and got between his arms. It felt nice, his arms holding you tight, his head on top of yours, your face on his chest feeling the warmth of his skin through soft material of his (your) shirt. The shirt smelled like your laundry detergent but it already started smelling like Seungmin and it soothed you. You had no idea when did you associate his smell with comfort but you were not mad about it. You also felt how hard his heart was beating. You weren't delusional after all huh.

"You better take me to a nice place on our date Seungmin. Don't make me regret giving us a chance." You could've said it better but this was all you mastered to mutter out. Seungmin hugged you tighter, now even enterwinning your legs together. You felt at peace. Like everything was at it's place right now.

"Wouldn't even dream of it sunshine." He kissed your forehead. You looked up at him. He looked really cute with his cheek smushed up on your pillow, with messy hair and with your shirt. You couldn't help but lean in and softly seal your lips together which were as soft and nice as you remembered.

You had a feeling you wouldn't really regret giving you two a chance, you just had to wait and see.

A/N- I can't believe I have finished writing this. It's definitely more different than I usually write and I really hope you'll like it. Feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated ❤️ If you like my work you can buy me coffee🩷

[jadetheblueartist]

Been projecting myself into Percy Jackson lately so here’s a little doodle

After a little identity crisis, I think I’ve settled on being a daughter of Athena and legacy of Nemesis who eventually joins the hunters of Artemis. Super simple and straightforward hfjdjfjjdjdjdkd

Gonna yap I guess and treat her like an oc that’s just me bc it’s easier to approach that way

-so her name is Lea (short for Azalea but she rarely actually goes by that)

-so daughter of Athena right? Well the interesting thing about that is she’s sort of an anti-Athena kid? In that she sort of opposite to how the other kids are

For starters, she is not the leading or strategizing type. That stuff stresses her out too much (doesn’t mean she wouldn’t technically be good at it, she just be struggling). Her “strategizing” generally manifests in overthinking and thinking through every possible outcome and knowing how to be prepared for it.

She’s also very avoidant of the spotlight and doesn’t struggle with hubris. She’d much rather play a support role. While some credit for things would be nice, she definitely doesn’t want any extreme accolades.

Lastly, she’s quite the burnt out gifted kid. She used to read a bunch, but now she can’t force herself to do that. She’s a school hater and especially a math despiser. Her love for knowledge manifests in her random deep dives and hyperfixations on specific topics where she’s overcome with the desire to know absolutely everything about this one topic or she will explode.

-her Athena-y traits come through in other ways tho. For starters, she love the arts and especially loves weaving type things like crocheting, knitting, friendship bracelet making, etc. She also enjoys debate type conversations and making good points and just generally knowing stuff. She is very perfectionistic which causes her to have really high standards for herself and those around her which leads her to isolating more often than not. Like her mother, she’s not interested in romance; she’s much rather focus on her platonic relationships (they’re hard enough to keep up as is).

-she’s also a legacy of Nemesis (her dad is a child of Nemesis). This manifests mostly in a really intense need for fairness and justice and wanting to put arrogant people in their place. The fact that Athena is already a goddess of justice also just kinda amps this up a bunch.

-her fatal flaw is probably fear/low self-esteem tho her low self-esteem could be rooted in fear so you knowwwwww she’s got a bunch of fears and things that have a big impact on her so she has to be intentional about pushing past them otherwise it very well could be fatal

-she can communicate with owls and has an owl friend named Toast

-joins the hunters at 18 ish probably right about when she’s ready to move on from camp

Yeah that’s sort of what we got going and like I only doodled her hunter outfit so you know but I love this it’s so fun fjdjdjdjdjdjdfkspfi I just have to do all this official lore stuff in order for my brain to let me use her in my scenarios ^^ it’s weird man but idk i just work here

[salt-clangen]

AGHHH THE LATEST UPDATE IS SO GOODDD

First Snow and Night 2nd litter coming soon?? I know obviously story wise no b/c like Night baby having another litter ain't going to fix shit. Go bond with your already here kids. But, what I'm thinking, one moon, the pregnancy thing was rolled between the two in the game, and this is your way of it making sense story wise (manifesting another litter rn for anybody)

Also just all the Snow moments ahhh love seeing it.

AND OF COURSE MY BOI MALLOW!!! #1 MALLOW FAN OVER HERE!!! No joke I relate to him so hard. Having anxiety and struggling to tell people, especially when things are "supposed to be fine" and everything is finally ok (chronic overthinker and worry about bad things happening when shi finally good over here). Or even more so when you've been through a lot and know how to fix it, but unfortunately shit happens and you feel guilty for "regressing." Like ahhh it's so hard to tell someone you need help when you beat yourself up over it but you just gotta push through that anxiety/uncomfyness and tell someone. Like genuinely Mallow so me coded arghhhhh

AND FINALLY THE HORRORS??? LOSTCLAW WHO ARE YOU??? Like genuinely, I feel like I'm reading a horror novel, and I feel the anxiety and stress of these characters. Also I JUST LOVE SPIRITS AND GHOSTS!!! This point in the story is just reminding me of countless haunted places in the world of people who visit/work there recounting all the scary and weird shit that happens. Feel like I'm watching videos of ghost explorers visiting a haunted place but having no clue it's haunted/what's going on. Like I'm so excited the story is going this way even though everyone will be put through the horrors (just the sacrifice that had to be made 😔😔).

JUST THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PUTTING IN SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT TO MAKE AN AMAZING STORY!!!! I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT UPDATE AND SEE THE TRUE HORRORS YOUR WONDERFUL BRAIN MADE!!!!! <33333

Y’all are so sweet!

This moon was Snowspeckle’s moon 1000%. I’m trying to give each member a lil more fleshing out since the main focus has been on Wolf a lot lately. I wanted to show her conflict with the idea of pregnancy and giving birth again with Bluemoon being a subtle showoff. Also I threw in Sunpaw bc I feel like I don’t stress this enough, but Snow wouldn’t have been made deputy in any other clan. Artisans and mediators are almost never deputies or leaders. When she first joined Saltclan she wasn’t a good fighter or a strong hunter, but she improved to help her clan. She worked even harder after being made deputy to prove she can do both roles. She deaerves all the flowers for her growth.

Mallow’s scene I kinda threw in last minute, but I felt his nervousness should’ve been addressed sooner. Also in my own life I was feeling a lot of anxiety, so writing the scene was easy. I wanted to incorporate how the clan would treat mental health, Saltclan of course being very accommodating. I also just like throwing in herbs (that are cat safe) and flexing some medical knowledge lol

As for The Horrors, I’m genuinely so surprised and happy that y’all liked it. I’m relying on a lot of ‘fear of the unknown’ with the clan and trying not to drop too much info at once. Lostclaw’s backstory was already written and completed before moon 10 btw. I wouldn’t consider myself a horror expert but I do pull from thriller literature. I like most books by Steve Cavanagh and Gillian Flynn, and I love BuzzFeed Unsolved/Ghost Files on YouTube. The only true horror book I own (and like) is ‘We live inside you’ MAJOR trigger warnings on that book. It’s a great read but it’s intense, it’s a series of short stories and probably the most amount of gore I’ll tolerate in a book before I just put it down.

I’m so glad y’all liked moon 16, it took me a while bc work is very stressful and my fav coworker transferred to another clinic. But I still have the Longest Day Festival to post, I’m trying to get a lil snap shot of each cat’s feelings to the current situation.

[imaginespazzi]

You know when a fish is like flopping around when it’s on land?? Bro idk why but I had that reaction so many times while reading chapter 14 😭😭

I was screaming crying and throwing upppp (I literally was screaming into my pillow, but it was one of those inaudible screams of that makes sense LMAO). But anyways! Chapter 14 thoughts below!

- the moment we were all waiting for 😭 the proposal scene/P+A breakup scene 😭 i think your reasoning for Azzi not wanting to get married it’s SOOOO valid. As we know, irl Azzi admires P and is so happy for her and this all in fiction in this story, but I can def see how GH! Azzi can be worried about her identity (considering how much she overthinks in this story!). And fuckkkk, the moment of realization for Paige when she realizes that Azzi doesn’t want them to be public, that killeddd me and made me think about all of the times throughout the story that Paige questioned why Azzi didn’t want to be seen and loved by her. Paige is just a lover girl man and just wants to show Azzi off to world and say that’s my girl my girl my girl 😭😭

- Azzi knowing for 3 months that she didn’t see the future that her and P planned and not telling Paige right away is diabolical tho 💀 tbf, I know Azzi was scared and couldn’t even truly process what she was feeling, but damn, a little chat earlier on could’ve gone a long way LMAO

- I can’t imagine KK and Ice’s reaction after Paige came in crying and angry and hot asf. Like I know they thought their parents were gonna get married and ride off into the sunset… little did they know 😭

- Stephie figuring P+A out before Azzi could even tell her 😭 Stephie-bean is so smart just like her mama! And then Paige being sad/worried that Stephie found out about them… Ughhhh, I’m so glad that Azzi explicitly said that she didn’t want to hide Paige and their relationship to anyone. Like I know that was important for Paige to hear and help with her insecurities!

- I remember being slightly pissed at Paige for taking all of this time to figure out if she should stay or not, considering that Azzi needed time and Paige didn’t give it to her. But I mean, in this case, 2 wrongs make a right? (The 2 wrongs being that Azzi suggested for them to end things and Paige taking 5ever to say that she’d stay. And the 1 right being that they’re happily together now LMAO)

- This chapter was absolutely spectacular Nivi!! I knew you wanted this chapter to be PERFECT and was slightly nervous about it… but you 100% ate and nailed the chapter 👏 literally GH is going to live rent free in my head for a while 😭 I’m gonna be able to quote shit from this chapter especially lmaoooo

- PS: I have to remind myself this is fiction, but it got too close to reality when Paige got drafted by the Wings irl 💀💀 but I know this is all def fiction bc no way would Azzi actually not believe she doesn’t have an identity bc she is sooooo her. Like that’s Azzi mofo Fudd. And also, no way would Paige let Azzi end things like that, and no wayyyy would Paige leave the next day and not fight for them and wake Azzi tfff up lol

I literally just imagined a fish flopping and have been giggling instead of replying to this for the last two minutes lmao

- Y'all don't know how stressed I have been about finding the reasoning behind their breakup like there was genuinely a point where I was gonna leave it up to y'all to figure out. But eventually, I think Azzi's reasoning for how she felt and Paige's reasoning for how that made her feel, both ended up being pretty valid.

- Yeah so that's one of the parts I felt was a little bit OOC because I'd like to think Pazzi irl are better communicators and Azzi would not be hiding such a big feelings from Paige because she really fucked up with that part. A little communication can and would have gone a long way.

- KK and Ice who'd literally bought expensive as fuck champagne to celebrate only for Paige to burst into the apartment Azzi-less and crying while she haphazardly packed her suitcase #truechildrenofdivorce

- A lot of my writing is very go of the flow, but what Azzi was gonna say has been written in my head since I figured out what the breakup was because for them to move forward with no hesitations, her being ready to tell everyone is very important.

- LMFAO they're dumb gays who needa make some dumbass decisions before they get happily ever after I guess

-- Y'all listen we should all know this fic is definitely not canon because let's be real a fic where Ice fucking Brady is WNBA draftee that actually sticks on a roster...well it's gotta be fiction lol

[vipernoir]

Snowflake

Little Lukanette fic! Inspired by the ‘snow’ from @lukacouffaineappreciation 7daysofLuka for Christmas!!! 🎅 I had a lot of fun writing this :)

Marinette is feeling stress from her everyday life of being ladybug, and with the stress of the holidays coming up she seeks out some comfort from a certain blue haired boy

Bittersweet Luka x Mari ~ post breakup

Why had she agreed to do it? She had enough to deal with right now. As if being Ladybug and secretly saving the city every other night wasn’t enough, she’d promised to bake Christmas macarons for her schools bake sale. Then she had promised Alya she would take her little sisters so see Santa tomorrow so she could see the last movie showing with Nino. On top of all of that she’d now promised Rose she would design and make an elaborate, angelic dress for the upcoming winter dance. It was a lot.

She was an overly helpful person, she’d always been this way. Saying yes was just a second nature for her, and she wasn’t very good at disappointing people. Her plate was always full, then once she’d eaten away at some of the responsibilities and the plate seemed a little easier to eat, it just kept overflowing.

Christmas was only seven days away and in typical Marinette fashion she hadn’t got a single present for anyone, well other then Adrien but she had his next 30 christmases sorted. They were just friends now, good friends too, Marinette never thought her feelings for Adrien could be platonic but here she was. Maybe she could regift some of the old Adrien gifts? After all she had still to buy a gift for her parents, a gift for Alya, as well as the secret Santa she was doing with her friends! Master Fu! Tikki!?

Marinette sank down on the stone cold bench by the river, shivering a bit as she did so. Paris seemed colder this winter than it had been any other. The cold air was thick, and glittery with frost, even with all the layers of clothing Marinette had on it was still freezing. Her thoughts outweighed the cold though, she was too busy worrying about everything to notice how red her nose and cheeks had become. Her eyes were too busy swirling with anxiety she hadn’t noticed the light frost falling on her eyelashes. Her mind wondered to him, and how much regret she had for the way things ended between them. She missed Luka, and with all her heart she still loved him, but she couldn’t bear the extra responsibility of loving him, it was too dangerous for them both. She was so deep in thought she hadn’t even noticed when someone sat down on the bench next to her.

“Hello Marinette.”

His voice took her by surprise, she jumped back startled, which caused him to cover his mouth, stifling a giggle.

“Luka! Sorry I didn’t even notice you. I was just ….”

“Overthinking?” Luka said smiling, shuffling a little closer to Marinette.

“Was it that obvious?” Marinette looked down, trying to hide her eyes, knowing full well Luka could read them like a book

“Your Marinette, you’re always worrying. You can talk to me about it you know.”

Marinette looked away, she always told Luka her problems, it seemed like a regular thing now to the point she was starting to feel guilty. Every time she went on crazy and rambling Luka just sat there, supportively listening and taking in her each and every word.

“Don’t feel bad about it, you’re my friend Marinette, one of my most dear friends. I’ll always listen to you.”

Marinette signed, knowing Luka genuinely wanted to hear her worries, “ I’m just getting so tired of it all Luka. Every second of my time is accounted for, and I can’t catch a break. There’s things that I have to do and things I’ve promised to do, and they’re all combining into one giant time consuming lump and I feel breathless. I think sitting on this bench is the first moment I’ve had to myself for weeks.”

“You’re a busy girl Marinette, you always seem to be rushing off to do something…important.” Marinette sunk down the bench, feeling guilty remembering all the times she’d made excuses during the dates she and Luka had been on, all of times she had to transform to ladybug and abandon her friends on liberty. After all she was the reason they’d broken up, and had make Luka so sad. “You have to take time for yourself, the holidays are stressful enough time for anyone. You’re an amazing girl Marinette, and you shouldn’t overwork yourself. You need to find the right balance, you can’t press every piano key down at once, it’s impossible, you’ve got to select what notes to play at the right time, and don’t play too fast or your fingers will ache.”

She giggled at his musical euphemism “Thank you Luka. You always cheer me up.”

“Anytime Marinette, I’ll always be here for you, even if it’s just as friends.”

Marinette paused, wondering if she should say what she wanted too, “I…I‘m still really sorry about that Luka, how things ended up. I didn’t want things to be that way, I don’t even think I wanted things to end at all. It was just all too much.”

She looked at his eyes, they were showing nothing but calmness and compassion for her. Luka was good at reading people but he was even better at hiding his own emotions. Marinette knew how much pain Luka hid, and she knew that pain was inflicted by herself. Luka put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, resting it on top of her pink, knitted scarf.

“I understand Marinette, and it’s okay.”

“No Luka it’s not okay! I didn’t want -!” Her voice trailed off and she could feel cold tears prickling in her eyes, the icy wind making it harder for the tears to stay dormant. Her hands instinctively covered her face, and she turned away in embarrassment.

“Marinette you don’t have to hide yourself, you’re beautiful even when you cry.” Luka whispered, slinking his fingers between hers and pulling them from her face before pulling her into a hug. “I’m here for you always, and I’ll put your feelings before my own because I know you need it. You’ve made it perfectly clear that I can’t know the truth, and as much as I want to know I respect that you can’t tell me. The little things that pile up on top though, they’re okay to tell me aren’t they?”

Marinette sniffled, throwing her arms around Luka returning the hug, “I’m always using you for advice and I can give you nothing in return.”

“But you do give me something Marinette, you give me your smile.” Marinette’s blueberry eyes met Luka’s, she had to admit his sweet words did bring a smile to her face, she didn’t consider it payment for all he did for her, but she still couldn’t stop her lips from spreading at his words. “It’s getting cold out, do you want me to walk you home?”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine, it’s not a far walk, but I think my dad said he can pick me up in his tour bus”

Marinette nodded and stood from the bench, and Luka followed suit. The glazed over path made Marinette stumble back, she was about to fall to the floor when a warm pair of arms grabbed her from behind, and set her back to her feet. “Thank you Luka, I didn’t realise how slippery it had gotten.”

“No problem Marinette, it’s just a shame it’s only icy and there’s been no snow.”

“Yeah I agree. Even though it’s the coldest winter we’ve had for years there’s still been no snow, Christmas doesn’t feel right without it.”

“Yeah, even when it does snow it doesn’t last long.”

“It’s honestly so pretty when it snows, I love how beautiful the city looks in snowfall I wish it would last forever.”

“That’s a nice wish Marinette, I don’t think it can snow forever but if I could wish for anything this Christmas I’d hope for some snow this winter for you, if it would make you happy.”

“That’s really sweet Luka.” She smiled at him.

“Actually I think I’m being a little selfish with it too…” Marinette cocked her head confused by what he meant. How could Luka ever be selfish? “I’m wishing for snow to see you smile, but mostly I think I’d like to see how radiant you look as the snowflakes float down behind you.”

Marinette just laughed, Luka always seeming so perfect. The two walked slowly through the slippy streets, looking at the twinkling decorations that lit up Paris. After a couple of more close falls from Marinette slipping, Luka took her hand firmly, arching his own arm as a support beam. Marinette blushed but said nothing, stealing glances at Luka when he wasn’t looking.

He looked so handsome in the crisp night, his soft, fluffy hair looked like a galaxy against the night. His eyes so brilliant blue, so full of the Christmas wonder. She hated being a superhero sometimes, she just wanted to be a normal girl who could have a normal boyfriend and do normal couple things.

“You’re overthinking again Mari.” Luka smirked, side eyeing her

“Sorry aha, I was kinda just trailing off from the world again.”

“Talk to me.”

“I just wish I was normal..”

“You’re not normal though, and that’s what’s so special about you. You have a tune that no one else can play. Everything about you is extraordinary. You’re like a beautiful, winter snowflake, each snowflake that falls is different yet every one is individually beautiful , and the more layers that form the more stunning you become.”

“You always know what to say Luka.” Marinettes cheeked turned crimson, now matching with her frozen cheeks and Rudolph nose. “Do…do you really think I’m as beautiful as a snowflake?”

Luka’s eyes darted up to the blackening sky and he smiled softly, turning his gaze to meet Marinette’s. “As beautiful as the ones falling from the sky.”

“What do-“ she started, before Luka span her round to see the first snow fall. Majestic white droplets dancing down to the ground, swirling around the landscape of the city, each droplet of snow that fell complimented the dazzling lights that decorated Paris.

“Looks like you got your wish.” Luka said smiling

“It’s so beautiful!” Marinette exclaimed running out towards the snow covered grass in the park, twirling about in the snow fall. Snow fell on her bluebell hair, and covered her shoulders.

“I got my wish too.” Marinette turned to look at him. He was stood watching her intently with such a loving gaze in his eyes, just pure adoration. Watching her excitement prancing about the snowy night, it was the highlight of his whole year.

“Merry Christmas Luka.” Marinette said pulling him into a snow covered hug.

Luka pulled her in deeper, planting a light kiss of her forehead. “Merry Christmas, Marinette.”

[lakesparkles]

Hi! I hope you don't mind me asking this since this situation was very stressful for you, but what kind of responses were you getting on Instagram from your Bojack/Jimmy post? I didn't see any negative comments so were people attacking you in your dm's? If so, I'm really sorry that happened to you. :( The Mouthwashing fandom is a bit of a minefield sometimes especially on Instagram. I can also totally relate to getting upset over stuff I see online and then feeling bad that I got upset over it. Those feelings in general just suck. For some reason, a lot of Instagram users are just really rude and I don't know why that's the case. I've seen posts on Insta that have been shared on other platforms such as Tumblr and YouTube and the comments on Insta are way more negative than they are on the other social media sites. This got too long and rambly, but I just wanted you to know that somebody else feels your pain. Hope it helps just a little bit. :)

Thank you so much, anon, you're super nice and I really appreciate your ask :>

It was, in fact, VERY stressful to me. To the point I considered never posting again... But now, I don't really care as much as I stopped overthinking about the situation.

No one was attacking me on my DMs, thankfully (unlike the Scott Pilgrim fandom ehhh). It's just impossible to see the negative comments on the post because: 1) the person who commented blocked me or 2) I blocked them instead.

The problem was that some people saw me saying "you're free to try to convince me I'm wrong about these two fictional characters" and got waaaay too argumentative and even rude. They made me clear how my post offended them.

At first, someone literally tried to interpret my words in the worst way possible. I talked about it on my stories that day, if you want to read:

There is a second part but it's so silly I'll let it out of this. Then they said I didn't understand anything about the game and blocked me. Alright.

Later someone else got really bothered that I dared to compare Bojack and Jimmy AT ALL. They said that Bojack wasn't as bad and that I was weird for that, to the point it was the same as me defending Jimmy. When I tried to explain myself, they said again how weird I was and complained about me being too defensive and that "well, I said people should try to change my mind, so why is this bothering me??" I thought it would be a fun conversation on my comments about two fictional characters, not about me. So yes, I changed my mind. I don't want anyone to convince me I'm wrong if this is the type of comment I'll get.

The funniest part was when they said that Bojack was much more similar to Curly, not Jimmy. I strongly disagree, oh boy. Sorry guys, Bojack is AWFUL. He ruined many people's life and it doesn't matter if he's sorry, he did all of that. I don't regret hurting this horse's feelings with my art and this is the reason I didn't delete my post until now.

The whole thing was more complex than that but it's too long already

[power-handmaiden]

what I want to (re?)gain from reading all these tinglers.

Long ass personal ramble below because this is my blog where I ramble about things now

I used to draw all the time and even longer ago I used to write and at some point I just stopped because I got hung up on whether I was "good" at these things things or whether it was a waste of my time creating such "trivial" things rather than art with "meaning" or maybe of I should be spending my time on more "useful" skills. Why write if you're just going to write gay fanfiction? But when I tried more "serious" things to "develop my skills" and also do things like proofread and edit, it just wasn't fun anymore and the hobby was dropped. Drawing lasted longer and I never dropped it so completely but I think smartphones put a damper on it. Once we all got little Google machines in our pockets I was never just out somewhere doodling freely, there was always the option to look up a reference, to draw the thing Correctly, and then time would pass where I was trying to find a picture of a ram's horns at just the right angle, and my number at the DMV would be called or whatever else I was waiting for would demand my attention and I would never even set my pencil to paper in these moments when I used to doodle.

I also felt like I could never express sexual ideas as much as I wanted to because of the "quality" of my work. Making "bad" art was one thing, everyone in the learning process does that, but sharing "bad" sexual art? Well, everyone on the internet forums I frequented was *justified* in reposting their art to mock them and linking to their online galleries for passersby to point and laugh personally, I thought at the time. How dare they be horny and express it in an appropriate adults-only space without mastering their craft first!

There's a lot holding me back. I deeply miss drawing and writing. I miss how freely I used to be able to just do them without the mental block telling me I need to run certain steps for Quality when I never did intend to do these creative things as a profession or anything?

Why is it so easy to sit down and "waste time" playing a video game or scrolling the internet, but so hard to spend the same amount of time drawing something for fun?

here's where Chuck Tingle comes in. He is someone who just DOES IT. This is the writing of someone who is not overthinking the process like I am when I become too paralyzed to create. And, I cannot stress this enough. IT'S SO GOOD. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. So much fun, joyful art has come from a process that I had convinced myself was something to be reined in and feared. The free act of creation that I'd convinced myself was nothing if I didn't learn to refine it into something "respectable". Ideas that would definitely not have passed a committee vote but make the process of reading all these stories one after another so exciting.

Even when I hit the occasional one like today that doesn't hit well anymore, it's evidence of someone who was creating from the heart, in the moment. Weirdly, they make me feel that yearning even stronger, with the knowledge that I know I'll love future stories.

I still haven't gotten there yet but I hope the love I find in these stories eventually breaks down the mental walls I've built and makes me feel free again to DRAW SOME GODDAMN LESBIAN FURRIES.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Writer, may i could request how Jason and Y/N's first kiss would be like??

Today on I wrote way more than I meant to but I couldn't stop myself

Jason, being the overthinking perfectionist that he is, probably put way too much thought into your first kiss with him than he needed to, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted that first moment with you to be absolutely magical, perfect in every way, and so quite honestly, your first kiss troubles him more than he would ever admit to anyone. He can't stop worrying about it. The place it happens in, the time of day, the weather, the outfit he'll be wearing, whether he should have on makeup or not, if his lips might end up chapped or if he's a bad kisser- all of those thoughts are constantly flooding his mind.

You, unbeknownst to the cause of all of this, definitely pick up on Jason's fretful disposition the more time you spend with him. It becomes clearer and clearer that something is deeply troubling him, but when you try and question him on just what that is, he gets nervous, dodging your question and saying it's nothing, his eyes trying to avoid glancing at your lips. He hopes his evasiveness will make you drop the subject, however, the opposite happens as you continue to try and figure out just what is bothering your new boyfriend so much. It gets to the point that Jason is so worried about what your first kiss might be like (and I am not exaggerating at how much this would worry him), that he starts getting sloppy with work and making mistakes and hurting himself on accident. He just wants you to have this perfect relationship with him, and it eats away at him. All of this stress, however, leads directly to your first kiss.

You discover him one day, having hurt himself trying to stitch something, a deep slice cut into his finger, his head in his hands as he heaves from the sudden panic overtaking him, at his stress from losing control of his life over this. When he feels your arms wrap around him from behind he freezes, and when he feels you moving around him so you're hugging him from the front his arms instinctively wrap around you. Your hands move to cup his face, and he blinks away the tears that had been threatening to fall. You ask him if he's alright, and he tells you he doesn't know. You look up at him in concern, pulling his face down towards you. You press a kiss to his forehead and he gasps, and then one to each of his cheeks, and then his nose, each time pulling a gasp from his lips at the feeling. You glance up at him, eyes innocent and questioning, and he swallows thickly, and he nods his head, holding his breath. 

When you finally press your lips to his, your eyes slipping shut, Jason feels electricity running through his body as he trembles, sighing deeply as he presses back into you. It's the most blissful he's ever felt, and despite this not being how he had originally wanted this to go at all, the kiss itself feels perfect, and it's like all of the stress leaves his body at once. When you finally separate, he smiles at you, a blissed-out look on his face, and you laugh, asking him if he feels better. He nods, and you explain to him that you figured that was what had been bothering him so much. When he asks you why, you explain that the firm stares he was constantly giving your lips from across the room for the last couple of weeks hadn't exactly been subtle, and embarrassment runs up his spine as you laugh again, telling him it's okay. Jason doesn't mind the teasing, settling for pulling you into his arms and pressing a delicate kiss to your forehead. The teasing would be worth it for the newfound closeness he gets to enjoy with you now, even if it came from his own stress and worrying.

[smolwritingchick]

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 86- WINGS 8

Chapter Summary: After 3 years, Jennie finally dyes her hair for a BTS comeback and films her WINGS 8 Concept video.

Words: 9,000+

Author's Note: Some smol angst regarding Jimin's diet during the BST era. And mentions of anxiety. I apologize in advance :(

I'm going to create a smol chapter when it's around that time for the love yourself videos. I'd like to put my spin on it, not going too much into the crazy theories. I'm hoping to write more of Jen's story for it. And I wonder if I made it obvious who found Jennie for her WINGS video at the end of the chapter. I'll write about all that when it's around 2017 in the story. Some ideas sparked in my head when those videos were released years ago and I kept them in my old documents. I gotta revisit them and check out everything. 

 I had thought of this idea for her concept video and decided to just stick with it and have fun with it instead of stressing about making her fit "perfectly" in this comeback. Supernatural type of shiz. And I did some research on using a Damien quote from the book to add to it. I think it fits quite well imo.

I lost count of how many times I changed Jennie's WINGS song. It's getting ridiculous at this point. But for this, I decided to go a different route. Jennie has said that she wants to be a versatile artist, especially as she looked up to Rihanna as an inspiration for that, singing in different genres. 

I LOVE PVRIS! One of my favorite groups. I'm not too big on their new music and the direction they're going musically these days but am always vibing to their old stuff. I truly miss their old sound tbh.

I decided to choose a song called I Don't Wanna Do This Anymore from PVRIS' latest album, for Jen's song. I really like the vibe as it would showcase her skills on the launchpad and I love the lyrics. I'll probably switch it up a little bit. I wanted her song for WINGS to be blunt and a bit sad. Like literally she is telling people she does not want to do this anymore. She does not want to perform, she does not want to be famous, she wants out, which was how she felt during the situation of her sister's play and getting mobbed by all those people. So, she'll express those negative feelings in the song. And I thought of her changing the lyrics to be more optimistic as the song goes on. Maybe for the chorus. I even thought of the fan chant ARMY would do. She would sing negatively, and they'd respond positively. For instance, when RM sang "I wish I could love myself." for Reflection and ARMY shouted, "WE LOVE YOU!"

So yeah, I think that's it. I'm rambling but I'm not going to overthink it too much when it comes to her song for this album. I had a vision for her WINGS video and I kind of hope it makes sense. So I'm just going to go with the flow :) Happy reading!!

--------

Jennie made it back to America safely and Facetimed the boys to let them know. She was lying on her bed, feeling the jetlag as the boys expressed how much they were already missing her. After speaking to them, she finally had one on one time with Yoongi.

"And thanks again for the cookies. I tried to make them stretch but it was too good," he said. "Now I have to impatiently wait for you to return to make me some more,"

She giggled at that. "Sounds like a plan. I'm happy the mixtape is being well received,"

"Me too. So many streams on SoundCloud. Thank you again for your help,"

"Always. I knew it would do well,"

Once July 31/August 1 hit, How's This was finally released and Jennie got to watch the two Music Videos as well as the jacket shooting. She and Hyuna looked fun and the visuals were astounding. Now, of course, there were those kinds of fans that would complain that Jennie was acting 'too grown'. She already saw tweets about it with fans babying her and saying that she shouldn't act too sexy. But she chose to ignore it and just enjoy what she and Hyuna created.

She thought about the filming as she watched the jacket shooting video.

-------

Dressed in one of many outfits for the video, Jennie and Hyuna awaited instructions while they stood on the set that resembled a club different from the first music video.

"I'm getting more comfortable with this sexy vibe because of you. Doing this with you, I feel at ease. So, I am so stoked to be here with you today," Jennie told her with a smile.

Hyuna looked relieved. "I'm happy. I was a little nervous asking you if you wanted to do this. I sighed out of relief when I got confirmation that this collab was a go,"

When they saw that Cube wanted to film a documentary on this music video, they waved at the camera.

"Today Jennie is with me to film! I am so happy that she is a part of this fun song," Hyuna said, clapping her hands.

"Hi~!" Jennie hugged her from behind, waving to the camera. "We are ready to shoot~!"

"This is going to be fun! Stay tuned!"

Jennie let go of her and cheered, "Fighting!"

"Fighting!" she high fived her.

Jennie was filmed first and they started with shots of her being sexy and having fun inside the club while lip-syncing the song. Walking through the club, she met up with Hyuna who danced along with her. For How's This with the version with Jennie in it, the choreography was different and looked more fluid instead of all the body shaking. In Jen's opinion, this choreography fit better for the song after working on new moves with Hyuna. They performed the choreography in the crowd and then did some twerking shots.

As the crew prepared for the next take, the camera showed Jen and Hyuna talking again.

"How was the first music video shoot?" Jennie asked.

"It was fun! It went well. I kissed one of the guys on camera," Hyuna felt flustered about the mature kiss.

"OOP!" Jen covered her mouth, making her giggle and hold onto her. She turned to the camera and repeated herself, "OOP!"

For another shot, after an outfit change, Hyuna and Jennie danced together behind a background. It reminded them of a honeycomb as they lip-synced.

Before Jen knew it, she was in the area she wanted to film at the most. The DJ booth.

"My happy place. Look at it. I am in love," she pointed over to the DJ booth. "Errbody throw yo hands up, we getting' hot, hot, hot, hotter!" she sang her verse from fire cutely before giggling.

When filming commenced, she approached the DJ and asked if she could take over. Winking at him, she placed the headset on and began mixing for the party while dancing around. The party got more lively once she began to DJ while Hyuna joined her as they lip-synced the chorus.

eottae igeon eottae

eottae chumchuja

Up dwae igeon Up dwae

Up dwae chumchuja

Jen was filmed all over the place for her shots. Hyuna had a lot of shots already from the previous music video and Cube just needed more Jen and then her together with Hyuna. Shots consisted of her lying across a table while lip-syncing, dancing on the table, then filmed against the wall as she flipped her hair and swayed her hips around.

"Is this too much?" Jen giggled as she watched her shots with Hyuna.

'As if looks could kill. Her piercing gaze against the screen flusters Jennie'

"Oh no, I bit my lip," she laughed. "I didn't even notice. Pure instinct. We look good, though,"

The last shot consisted of a dance battle. Jennie had a group of black dancers with her against Hyuna and her dancers.

----------

Jennie smiled at the memory and was excited to perform it live near award season. After watching the videos, she scrolled through Twitter and saw what was going on. BlackPink had recently debuted and she loved their debut music videos. Although she was still hurt about 2NE1, she loved seeing new groups debut.

But because one of the BlackPink members was also named Jennie, it started some fan wars, which made no sense at all.

'Netizens compare BTS' Jennie to BlackPink's Jennie. Who is better?' read the latest controversial ALLKPOP article.

It didn't sit right with BlackPink and BTS fans as the comment section was filled with mixed reactions. It was drama waiting to explode.

'So we have a Black Jennie and a Korean Jennie'

'There can only be ONE Jennie and I choose BTS' Jennie'

'BP's Jennie is what BTS' Jennie wishes she was'

'Ugh STOP already'

'I think BTS' Jennie is better.'

'BP's Jennie has more charisma. BTS' Jennie still hasn't shown what she is all about. Her part in fire was cute but I wish she did more. I kinda gave up on her as my bias and moved on to Jimin'

'LOL I bet BTS' Jennie is threatened by BP's Jennie'

'BlackPink's Jennie showed more effort and energy in her debut than BTS' Jennie. Just stating facts. I'd take BlackPink's debut over BTS' any day'

'Jennie and Jennie. I love it. I hope they meet'

'Are you serious?!'

'Ew wtf is this article?'

'BlackPink's Jennie is still a rookie. She has a long way to go before getting up to BTS' Jennie's level'

'Can you not? This is disrespectful to both girls. They both are doing great'

'I'm tired of people comparing groups. Just love and support both'

'I hope they become friends'

'Eh...BP's Jennie is better and prettier. She wears better outfits too. BTS' Jennie has been looking rough for a while. She gained a few pounds too. I miss her debut look'

'Who cares? They both flop'

'BlackPink's Jennie ain't even all that.'

'The difference is BlackPink's Jennie knows how to rap. BTS' Jennie's little Full Moon cover wasn't that great. She annoying af'

'BTS' Jennie just doesn't have that IT factor like BP's Jennie does.'

'I like Blackpink's Jennie more'

''Stop pitting women against women. It's disgusting'

'Delete this article. They're both great'

Jennie frowned and rolled her eyes at the name of the article and scrolled past to look at something more positive. It seemed like they were trying to get her to reply and react but she refused. First, they did this with Alex Reid, and now BlackPink's Jennie. It needed to stop. She was not going to be the "mean girl" that the media wanted her to be and make people think that she hated or was jealous of other female idols like Alex and Jennie Kim.

The last thing she was going to do was let the media try to make her think negatively about someone whom she hadn't met. She refused to be sucked into this jealous and petty scenario with BlackPink's Jennie. She was excited about what BlackPink would be doing and wished the best for them.

Suddenly she received a notification from V-Live about Hobi going live and began to watch it.

"Oh, that's right. Bangtan is in Japan for their concerts," she murmured.

"We had our concert, tonight. It didn't feel the same without Munchkin with us. Jennie, if you are watching, I hope you are doing well," Hobi said on camera in his hotel room.

"Doing good, missing you guys," she sighed.

But then something weird happened on the live. The comments started bringing up other members. Fans then began to ask for Jungkook, V, Jimin, and Yoongi.

"No, they didn't..." Jennie looked on in disbelief at the comments.

All Hobi wanted was to spend time with Armies and now this happened. It made her upset and then she watched as he went to Jimin's room and then left abruptly after a few minutes. Jimin was also stunned because it was Hobi's phone on the live so what in the world?

Unable to keep her thoughts to herself, she went to Twitter to tweet about it.

'Are you KIDDING me? Did you REALLY just ask for other members while J-Hope was trying to talk to you? #Jen'

'No, like really the amount of disrespect is completely unacceptable. The hell is wrong with some of y'all? #Jen'

'You got me ALL the way f'ed up! Don't ever do that to Hobi #Jen'

'We take time out of our day to talk to you one on one but you ask for the others? You need to consider our feelings and how bad it makes us feel. #Jen'

Her tweets blew up and spread like wildfire as fans were commenting sorry and tweeted sad emojis. A lot agreed with her tweets while some others began to complain that she was overreacting.

'I know right!? Like how dare them?!'

'Ennie, we're sorry'

'These fans are so disrespectful. Please don't think all ARMY are like this.'

'I am so bothered by them doing that crap.'

'omg shut up,'

'You must be one of them asking for other members if you're telling her to shut up. YOU shut up! Jennie is speaking facts!'

'What are you so extra for? Calm down,'

'Here she goes always sticking her nose in everyone's business. All the way in America. Just stay in America and go away,'

'I cannot believe they did that. Ugh'

'GO OFF SIS! This infuriates me! Hobi don't deserve this'

'I'm so sad...'

'We don't deserve him'

'I cannot believe this. And they call themselves an Army?'

'Yeah...my heart is broken'

'IM SOOOOO MAD!'

'The sweetest sunshine ever and gets treated like this. I want to cry'

Jen then tweeted one final tweet before going on a social media break.

'ARMY, don't apologize to me. Apologize to Hobi...#Jen'

Later that evening after Jimin ended the live that was supposed to be him and Hobi, she facetimed him after he got his phone back.

"Hey, Jennie," J-Hope greeted with a fake smile but she saw right through it.

"Nah uh. Don't do that. Screw them for making you feel like that,"

"It's okay. Don't worry about it," he shook his head. "They just want to see the other members,"

"No. I will worry about it. You're upset and bummed out. I understand. I wish I was there to take you out and treat you to food or something. That was so rude of them and they are so ungrateful. Those aren't real fans. Don't let them get to you, okay? You have real fans who love and appreciate you. Love and respect you. Love and support you," she went on as he listened.

"Hobi, they can call me annoying or whatever for my tweets, I don't care. What just happened was wrong and unfair," she declared. "And if you don't want to be vocal about it, then I will because I refuse to sit here and let people do this to you. You don't deserve that. You should get just as much love and affection as the rest of us. I love and cherish you. Always. Don't ever forget that. I'm going to always have your back,"

Hobi broke out into a huge smile at her words and began to feel better. "Thank you, Jennie. I appreciate you cheering me up,"

--------

While being home, Jen spent the majority of her time in her room which was also her mini studio. Although she wasn't physically there with the group to work on their upcoming album, she still did her part and sent in her vocals and instrumentals.

For the WINGS album, she was going to be more involved in the music. For now, everyone is focused on their solo songs. She was first involved in working on Jungkook's song, Begin. Since she had been home, Jungkook had sent her his vocals and asked if he sounded OK. Every time was better than the last which boosted his confidence as he recorded. Jennie's role in his song was to play the guitar.

With her headphones on her ears, she played the guitar smoothly under his angelic vocals. Begin was about his journey to Seoul and meeting Bangtan. It was beautiful. The lyrics did not mention her but talked more about the rest of the boys. His brothers. Jungkook kept apologizing to her about it and said he had something planned for her in the future. She was not bothered by it at all and understood. If anything, her curiosity towards what he had planned for her rose as she thought about what he was going to do.

After sending the music back to Big Hit, she got confirmation that it was great and continued working on the rest of her assigned songs. Next up was Jimin's song called Lie. She worked on the background vocals and guitar for his song. Out of every solo song by the guys, this one was her favorite and she was so proud of him for his efforts. She couldn't help but smile as she listened to the demo track after putting her recorded guitar chords in it.

Closing her eyes, she began to focus on the emotion of the song and pondered on her background vocals. This song was about lying and the conflict due to lies and temptation. So, she wanted to try to have some emotion and desperation in her vocals to fit the tone. She recorded her light breathy 'yeahs' in the beginning and sang 'Naega malhae' under his voice.

Be smooth like a like a snake

beoseonago sipeunde

Hearing an opening instrumental part after his voice, she hummed but shook her head, stopping the song.

"Nah...maybe it should be better. Humming is too common. I should do something different," she pondered, taking off her headphones.

She spent the next hour working on what would fit during that part. Her notebook with crossed out words and random lyrics was all over her papers as she worked on thinking what would work for his song. She wanted something to pop and to be memorable.

"Ah...woo...woo." she wrote down. 

She began to sing it out several times in diverse ways until she found a tone that fit with the song. 

"I should make it a little haunting when I edit it. A tad bit of autotune or something..."

Putting her headphones back on, she stood by her microphone and pressed record as it played Jimin's song. The first opening notes were clear enough to give listeners one hell of an eargasm. The producers that put the violin and other string instruments were geniuses.

"Yeah," she said in a high, breathy tone while looking at her notebook in her hands.

As soon as Jimin's voice filled her ears, she sang softly under his vocals, "Naege malhae..."

Neoui dalkomhan misoro naege

"Naege malhae..."

soksagideut nae gwitgae malhae

"Yeah. Don't be like a prey, be smooth like a like a snake,"

beoseonago sipeunde

Finding that inner strength in her voice, she belted out, "Ah woo woo~"

naegeseo tteona tteona tteonajwo

naegeseo tteona tteonajwo

"Ah woo woo~"

mworado nareul nareul guhaejwo

nareul guhaejwo

This song was such a bop as she swayed around to the song, focused.

gyesokdwae domangchyeobwado

geojit soge ppajyeoisseo

Caught in a lie!

"I'm drowning, I'm losing myself. I can't disobey, I can't break away..." she sang emotionally under his vocals.

nae useumeul dollyeonwajwo

Caught in a lie!

"This torment gets worse every day."

i gotongeseo heeonal su eobseo

beolbanneun nareul guhaejwo

After recording everything multiple times, she went on to edit and made sure her vocals fit nicely under his. Things were coming together as that bright smile appeared on her face. She was so satisfied with this. She hoped he and the producers like it when they did their final touches.

Her phone buzzed and she sat back in her seat to read a text from Jimin.

Jimin: Ennie, I know you're awake! Don't stress over it too much. Get some sleep, okay? We can work on the song tomorrow.

Jen: Facetime me. I just sent you what I created :D

It didn't take long for them to be on Facetime together as Jimin was thrilled to see her face.

"Ennie! What time is it over there?"

"Late but it's okay," she said and yawned.

"You should really go to bed. You look so sleepy," he looked concerned for her when he noticed her tired eyes.

"I know, I know. I will."

"I miss you," he pouted.

"And I miss you, too. Don't worry, I'll be back in Korea before you know it,"

"Well, I hope it's soon! It's not the same without you here," the 95 Liner shook his head. "The guys...I...we're kind of all over the place without our Bangtan Girl to keep us in order. We're a bit of a mess. It's weird without you. We just want you to come home,"

His words made her heart leap as she felt emotional, yet again. But then the word 'home' struck her. She was already 'home' in America. But the fact that he said 'home' as in living with them in Korea made tears appear in her eyes.

"Jimin..." she smiled sadly. "It won't be much longer, I hope. Being away from you and everyone else in Korea is a struggle. As soon as I come back, I will nap this jetlag off and we can all go out to eat,"

"I would like that very much, Ennie. So, you wanted me to call you?"

"Yes. Check the email. I sent my work for your song. I hope it sounds okay."

"Wait, you finished it?! All of it? Your background vocals and all?"

"Yeah! I just gotta finish up Stigma and the others,"

"You worked on it so quickly."

"Well, you are a priority," she smiled softly, earning an adorable eye smile from him.

Him a priority? That made his heart leap.

"I played around with it and I like how it sounds. Play it. If you like it, I will send it to the producers to see if they give it the OK. And if you want me to change something, let me know."

Opening up the file, Jimin played it for both of them. The look in his eyes when he heard her guitar was priceless.

"Oh-my-God," he blurted out in English, causing her to laugh. "They have to accept this! This is-this is so good! Thank you for doing this for me. I hope this version makes it on the album after they do their final touches. And if they reject it, let us release it on SoundCloud. Army should hear this,"

"Sounds like a plan,"

After shutting down her computer and ending her call, Jen sat on her bed and tuned in to Jin's Eat Jin V-Live on her laptop. There he was with Jungkook and Jimin rambling about various things. And they had her cracking up with their bickering when they playfully fought over snacks.

But once fans brought up Jennie in the comments, her heart ached as she realized how much she missed the guys. Especially Jungkook. She missed his hugs. How he would hold her firmly and gaze down at her with that adorable smile of his. This visa needed to hurry up and go through. She wanted to wrap her arms around her man again.

"How is Jennie?" Jin read the comment. "My sweetie is doing fine. She has been working very hard. Please look forward to her return. Jennie, you are missed dearly,"

She let out a chuckle, "I miss you, too..."

"I miss your baking, too," he added, making her laugh at the screen. "Bake for me when you come back. Just don't tell the others,"

"We're sitting right here, Hyung!" Jimin called out. "Bake for me, not him!"

"Hush!" Jin playfully smacked him while Jungkook laughed. Turning back to the camera like he knew she was watching, he continued. "The dorm doesn't smell that great without your bath and body works items. You know, the ones you always buy for us. Please return soon and get the visa straightened out. I look at your picture in my wallet every day," he showed Armies the photo of him and her back in 2015.

"He still has that picture?" Jen murmured as she smiled.

"Jungkookie misses her the most," Jimin teased, making the Golden Maknae blush and look down shyly.

"Of course, she's my best friend. I bet she misses me more than you two," Jungkook added.

"Lies! I am Jennie's favorite," Jin stated.

Laughing, Jennie went on to text Jungkook.

Jen: Awwww this live is too cute. I miss you guys, more. I'll be back soon. P.S: I miss you the most, Kookie. I love you. Can't wait to hug and kiss you again

Ding!

The sound of bells was heard as Jungkook looked down at his phone. He read her text with a big smile and looked up at the camera like he felt her looking back at him. It made her heart flip and her face warm up with the way he stared at the camera. Meanwhile, Armies were gushing over the loving gaze Jungkook was showing out of nowhere.

'Why tf is he staring so hard like that?! He looks so hot!'

'Omg Jungkook is showing so much boyfriend material right now.'

'That stare! He's making me blush!'

'Jungkook a warning would have been nice!'

"Who was that?" Jin asked.

"Jennie. She's watching the live," Jungkook smiled brightly.

"She texted YOU and not me!?" he complained.

"Hey, that ringtone sounded familiar. Like a bell. Why a bell?" Jimin teased.

"No reason, Hyung. I thought it sounded nice," Jungkook shrugged.

------

The next day, Jennie started to work on her solo song. Bangtan's solos were supposed to go by age. The plan was for her song to be the first but Big Hit switched it and made her song last. The boys had begun filming for their WINGS films while she hadn't yet. A lot of big things will be happening for this comeback. One of them was her hair was finally going to get dyed. She was nervous because everyone had anticipated her having a new hair color since debut and she wanted it to be worth the wait.

With her solo song, she thought the lyrics and instrumentals were fine. But every time she sent it to the producers, they told her something was missing and it frustrated her. How come everyone else's song was fine but her song was getting the most criticism? Her song was different. Experimental even. This wasn't a sound that is usually in BTS. She'd showcase her DJ skills on the launch pad and guitar.

"Do you feel like singing today?" Pdogg asked as she sat on a video call with him and Slow Rabbit.

Jennie furrowed her eyebrows. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because to me, it seems like you don't feel like singing,"

She sighed sharply, trying to not let her annoyance get to her. "I'm doing the best I can,"

"It's missing something, Jennie. It's almost there but something is missing," Slow Rabbit added.

"Look, this is the best I can do," she exclaimed.

"No, it isn't," he shook his head. "I know you can do better to make this song even more enhanced. Shout it out. Scream it,"

"I'm trying to shout it,"

"Well, you aren't shouting it," Pdogg said. "You need to dig down deep and sing out what you're feeling for this song,"

"Here, take a break from working on your song, today. Work on the guitar for 2! 3! and Lost. Send it when you're finished," Slow Rabbit said.

"Fine," she nodded and ended the call. 

She sighed loudly out of annoyance and ran her hair back with her hands.

"Fuck my life..." she complained.

She didn't want to work on anything at this point, she was so bothered by what they told her. After a moment of getting herself together, she did what she was told, playing the guitar for Lost and 2! 3! 

After she sent it in, she was praised for her efforts and had the rest of the day off from working on music. But her song continued to be on her mind. How much better can she do for this song? What else did they want? What was missing? She did want to sing. She sang as passionately as she could.

"What do you want me to do...?" she complained softly.

She went back to the document for her song and stripped all her vocals to start over. She listened to the instrumental of her song and sighed, understanding what she had to do.

'You want me to go back to that dark place...' she thought.

She didn't want to. She didn't want to think about it. She even had second thoughts about picking this song for this album but it was way too late to change now. This song was to express how she felt the day she got mobbed during her sister's play. Sure, it happened last year but that anxiety she felt and the whole experience still traumatized her. All those hate comments, the pressure, the high expectations, and the growing fame, began to overwhelm her as she realized that she was not a normal teenager anymore.

She'd always appear to have a smile on her face but deep down she was scared and in the back of her mind would always wonder when this would all come crashing down. 

That dreaded day of Vienna's play made Jen want to stop performing entirely and just go back home and deal with school, no longer being in the spotlight. To try to grasp what normality she had left. But after the support from everyone after that incident, she wanted to try to face all that negativity and destroy it with positive thoughts once and for all. This would be a start to that. To sing about it and twist it to optimism.

As she sat by her desk, she put her headphones on.

"Okay...let's go back to that nightmare..."

---------

After crying, belting out high notes, and singing out her pain, she made the producers happy with her new and improved vocals and took a break from singing to dance.

Jen continued practicing the choreography for Blood, Sweat, and Tears, which will be BTS' comeback song in October. She was in the living room, performing a demo version of the song while Vienna and Alani were on their phones chilling nearby. Mr. Son and J-Hope sent her videos of where she will be and her choreography for the comeback.

It was...very sexy. This seemed like it was going to be a sexy comeback.

As she worked on perfecting her movements, she sent them recordings of her craft to get feedback.

After dancing for a few hours, she took a break and watched Family Guy with her sisters on the couch.

Buzz Buzz Buzz

A video from Jimin? What was he up to now? Since she left, the boys had sent her funny videos and photos. This was probably one of them.

"Ooo another video? Let's watch it! They crack me up!" Alani said.

"Yeah, why not?" Jennie pressed play while her sisters joined her in to watch.

The video showed Jimin, V, and Jungkook goofing around and practicing BST in the practice room.

"Jungkook! Imagine the floor is Jennie!" Jimin called out.

Out of nowhere, Jungkook did his signature handstand for the song, slowly lowering himself on the floor to grind against it.

"Jennie..." he said in a low voice, smirking at the camera.

"AHHHHHHH~!" her sisters screamed around her while Jen dropped her phone and shrieked.

"He did NOT just do that!" Alani shouted.

"And said your name like that! Are you two-"

"No!" Jen exclaimed, cutting Vienna off with her face flushed.

"You sure!?"

"Yes!"

"I dunno man, that sounded like that's not the first time he said your name like that~!" Alani added.

"Oh my God! Stop!" Jennie covered her face.

Vienna grabbed the phone and replayed it so they could watch the entire video. Her sisters continued to freak out around her from his floor grind.

Jennie was NOT expecting a video like this. She thought it would be meme faces. Not him grinding against the floor.

'Wow, I wish I was under him...' she thought before shaking the dirty thoughts away.

My gosh, what was he doing to her? Everything he was doing made her squirm.

After he finished grinding on the floor, Jin was heard yelling to stay professional while Jimin and V laughed.

Her sisters kept replaying the video, expressing how surprised they were.

"Is this really your boyfriend? Because whew, the duality...girl..." Vienna fanned herself.

"I'm a little nervous about how he can turn into such a cute boy to something like this," Alani added.

"Right? He is so adorable and then he ends up popping out like this. No wonder so many girls swoon over him. Jen, watch out for all them female idols after your man," she teased.

"You know, you were staring kind of hard at the screen," Alani called Jennie out.

"I was not!" Jennie exclaimed as she grabbed her phone.

"She's so flustered," Vienna laughed with Alani.

Alani snatched the phone from her hands and ran to their mom who walked out of the kitchen to see what the ruckus was about.

"Mom! Get a load of this!" Alani laughed.

"Stop it! Give it! Mom, it's not what it looks like! Get off me, V!" Jen shouted as Vienna held her down while Alani showed the video.

"Um...what is he doing to my youngest?" their mom asked, wondering what the heck was happening.

"Nothing! Nothing at all! He was just messing around!" Jen said and got let go.

"You think he was? He looked pretty serious," Vienna teased.

He was just joking...right?

Or perhaps he wasn't. Because her head began to go crazy with the way he said her name so low like that. It'll be something that wouldn't be out of her mind for a while as she plotted a way to get him back for making her so flustered in front of her family.

---------

With Jimin and V, they waited for her to reply. Curious as to why she had not responded yet, they looked back at the message and saw that she had read it. The two burst out into laughter.

"Jungkook, I think you killed your girlfriend," Jimin giggled.

"I did?" he asked, surprised. "What happened?"

"She hasn't responded to the video and left us on read this entire time," V laughed.

"I-I didn't make her uncomfortable, did I?" Jungkook asked with worry.

"Nah, don't worry, it's the other way around, Jungkookie! Hehe, you'll see. Just give her a moment to pull herself together. I'm sure she's quite flustered as we speak because of you," Jimin smiled confidently.

-------

Back with Jennie, she continued to pull herself together. This man may just be the death of her. She then thought about the time she and Jungkook performed the coming of age ceremony in the practice room and recorded themselves. Man, those lyrics...

Jen: Jimin wtf!?

Jen: Wtf is he grinding on the floor so hard for!?

Jimin: kekekeke it took you a while to reply. You liked it, didn't you!?

Yes. Yes, she did.

Very much actually. To the point, she wanted to be the floor.

Jen: Okay yes but he needs to calm tf down! He can't be doing stuff like that when I'm not there! I'm suffering here!

Jen: omfg wait don't tell him I said that!

Jimin: Tell Jungkook. Okay. Got it

Jen: Jimin! NO!

"She liked it," Jimin laughed and showed Jungkook the messages.

Jungkook laughed, feeling his cheeks warm up. A large part of him felt relieved that she liked it. 

Maybe they could make it a reality soon.

---------

As the days went by she continued to finish up working on the choreography, and went to Facetime with Jimin. Things were beginning to appear...off about him. And the sad part about it was that she knew.

She knew all too well what was going on.

She didn't want to believe it. She thought that her mind was playing tricks on her but his face was slimming down at a rapid rate and it began to worry her.

"Jimin?" she called out his name softly after he stopped laughing at his story about pranking Hobi.

"Yes, Ennie?"

"Did you eat today?"

Jimin's stomach dropped at her question. Of all days she had to be so observant. He would only eat once a day and tried not to eat a lot to lose as much weight as possible for their next comeback. It was an intense choice and he had already been feeling the side effects such as dizziness and fainting as he tried to work hard on his dancing.

"Yeah, why?" he lied, feeling his heart ache.

He hated lying to her. He knew she would do anything to get him to stop if she had known what he was doing in Korea.

Jennie narrowed her eyes slightly, watching his body language.

'You're lying to me...' she thought sadly.

"I dunno, to me you just look a little smaller in the face," she admitted.

"I'm eating, don't you worry, Ennie," he flashed her an eye smile

"I really hope you are..." she murmured. "Just take care of yourself, please. Promise me that?"

"...I promise."

"Okay...I have to go. I'll talk to you later,"

"A-all right. Bye Ennie,"

"Bye, Chim Chim," she ended the call and exhaled.

"I truly hope you're okay..." she murmured, fearing for the worst.

After her conversation with him, she scrolled on Twitter to check out what Armies had been saying about her while she was away. She was pleased to see how much she was missed.

'I'm so upset Jennie isn't in the ISAC this time because of her visa.'

That made her realize that today was the day everyone would be filming for ISAC. She was bummed she couldn't play volleyball this year. Instead, she would be cheering Bangtan on miles away whenever they sent her videos and photos.

'Whatever team she was supposed to be in volleyball would have won'

'ISAC probably made sure to schedule it when she couldn't attend since they know the other girl idols can't beat her in volleyball. Their loss'

'ISAC knows damn well Jennie will beat every single female idol in volleyball. They just don't want her to shine. They did that for The Boss Is Watching. We didn't forget!'

Snickering at the comment and agreeing, Jennie went on and liked it on BTS' Twitter which quickly got a reaction from fans.

'OMG I KNOW SHE WAS THE ONE THAT LIKED IT!'

'She liked!!'

'Who else would like it from their page? Jennie knows what's up!'

'Ooooo she's watching us'

'Lmaooooo she knows!'

'She soooo petty. The shade!'

'This confirms it!'

-----------

With Jungkook, after filming for the show, he went to visit Namjoon in his studio. He had a lot on his mind regarding his relationship with Jennie. And he felt like Namjoon was the best person to talk to.

"Hyung," Jungkook spoke up.

"Jungkook," he greeted with a smile and gestured for him to come in. "What brings you here?"

"I uh...can I talk to you? I figured you were the best one to talk to about something like this,"

"Yeah, of course. Shut the door and take a seat,"

As soon as Jungkook plopped down on the seat next to him, he sighed. "It's about Jennie,"

"Is everything all right between you two? I know you've been feeling down because of the distance,"

"I'm fine. And yeah, things are great. It's just that...well she...she's just...on my mind a lot lately and I can't stop thinking about her in that way."

Namjoon immediately knew what he meant and nodded. 

So, it was about that time, huh? 

He had a feeling this was going to be happening sooner or later with how touchy he's been with her, lately. And with that floor grinding video, it didn't just look like a simple video to mess with her.

"I had a feeling this was going to happen sooner or later. Have you told her any of this?"

"No, I...I want to but part of me chickens out,"

"You two talk about everything. Why do you think this conversation will be different?"

"I just don't want to turn her off or scare her away, I guess. Or make things awkward if she's not ready like I am,"

"Communication is key and Nini is extremely understanding. You're overthinking it. She loves you and is not going to be scared away that easily. When you feel ready, speak to her about this. And make sure you two are alone for this conversation. Not when the boys are around and acting loud,"

--------

After spinning around in her seat, Jennie played what she had worked on for Taehyung's solo song, Stigma. She helped with the background vocals with jazzy oohs and ahs. She smiled at how his voice sounded. His high note was astonishing to hear and she couldn't wait to hear it live when they go on tour.

For Suga's solo, First Love, she played the guitar for it and noticed the hidden melody of So Far Away which had gotten her emotional.

"Take a break!" a loud voice startled her. Jennie turned her head to see Alani by her door, arms crossed. "You've been on that thing all day. A break won't hurt. The album ain't going nowhere. And you finished everything so just chill for once,"

"Nooooo, I feel like there is still work to be done," Jen complained.

Alani simply rolled her eyes and left.

"Well, that was easy to get her to leave me alone," she murmured.

While she continued working, she suddenly heard music blasting which happened to be Rihanna's Pon De Replay. Before she knew it, Vienna and Alani came in with a large speaker, dancing.

Come, Mr. DJ, song pon de replay

Come, Mr. DJ, won't you turn the music up?

"Oh my God..." Jennie covered her face with her hands, laughing softly. "Really?"

"Come on~! Living room, let's go!" Alani said over the music, holding the speaker.

"Rihanna dance party! Take a break! No more album work, today!" Vienna grabbed Jennie and dragged her downstairs with them.

After Alani set the speaker on the floor, she continued to dance around Jennie with Vienna.

"No more thinking about work today. Loosen up and dance with us. It's Rihanna! Come on~!" Alani exclaimed, earning a sigh from her youngest sister. "If you ready to move say,'"

"Yeah, yeah!" Jen sang with a smile.

"One time for your mind say it,"

"Yeah, yeah!" her smile got wider and she joined in to dance with them. "Well, I'm ready for ya, come let me show ya. You want to groove, I'ma show you how to move. Come, come,"

"There you go~!" Vienna cheered.

It was good to take a break and Jen was thankful for her sisters. She did feel overwhelmed with this album dropping in October. There were high expectations and she wanted to make sure she did everything she could to make the songs great with the small role she was given.

Where Have You Been came on as Vienna tried to remember the choreography.

Where have you been?

'Cause I never see you out

Are you hiding from me, yeah?

Somewhere in the crowd

"I learned it in a dance class a while back. Hold on," Vienna began to think as she stood in the middle of her sisters.

Once the beat dropped, she executed the dance break with no errors while her sisters followed her.

"Oh~! I remember! From the music video!" Alani added.

"When Rihanna and the dancers did that pose that looked like an eye? Top tier!" Jen praised.

"Yeah, that was the coolest thing," Vienna beamed.

As songs like What's My Name, Hard, and Umbrella came on, the trio sang their hearts out while bouncing around the living room and on the couch. Once Breakin' Dishes blasted on the speaker, they became excited since it was one of their favorite Rihanna songs.

"I was waiting for this one!" Vienna yelled happily.

"Are we singing it like we usually do?" Jennie asked with anticipation.

"Let's switch it up!" Alani suggested.

"All right, I'll go," Vienna offered.

He been gone since 3:30

"3:30!" Jen shouted.

Been coming home lately at 3:30

"3:30!"

As the chorus came on, the trio danced around, pretending to be angry while shouting out the lyrics.

I'm breakin' dishes up in here, all night

I ain't gon' stop until I see police lights

"I'm still waiting, come through the door. I'm killing time, you know, bleaching your clothes!" Jennie sang the second verse like she was tired of a man's BS. "I'm roasting marshmallows on the fire. And what I'm burning is your attire. I'm getting restless,"

"Uh!" Alani shouted.

"I'm getting tested!"

"Let him know!"

"And I can't believe he's always out every night and never checks in!"

"He cheating?"

"Is he cheating? Man, I don't know. I'm looking 'round for something else to throw!" Jennie grabbed a pillow and threw it.

After spending the next hour partying to Rihanna's songs, Jennie went to plug in her music and pressed shuffle. Fall Out Boy's Irresistible came on which made her smile.

"Hey, didn't you make a cover of this song recently?" Vienna asked.

"Uh huh!" she beamed, thinking about the series of covers she had done and posted on BTS' SoundCloud for ARMY.

"Did Fall Out Boy notice you, yet?"

"Yeah! I met them! They're so cool! I hope we can collaborate, soon!"

---------

With Matt Rife, he continued to search on social media about Jennie, getting to understand who she was and what she did. He even checked out some fan accounts about her and thought she was even cuter than he anticipated. What surprised him the most was that she was taking self-defense classes. Her teacher had posted a recent video of her throwing him over her hip for a quick takedown after grappling him. Matt was astonished by how strong she was.

What a beauty.

He scrolled through the comments as fans geeked out that she was doing fine in America and raved about how strong she was.

'Omg she really did that!'

'I feel bad for the members if they try to mess with her now, lol'

'RIP Jin! She's preparing for their wrestling match!'

'Can she throw me like that on the ground?'

'If she throws me like that, I would say thank you'

'She can punch me in the face anytime!'

'MOM!'

'Wow, she's so strong'

'I love that she's taking self-defense classes. I want to take them now.'

Soon after, he couldn't help himself and wrote a comment too.

'@JJennie_JW you can throw me like that anytime ;)'

And of course, he was told by Armies to back off.

---------

For a while, ARMY began to notice a shift in Jungkook's demeanor. He did not seem as happy as he usually was and his jokes weren't common like they used to be. Sure he'd smile and laugh whenever he was with the members but the truth was that this distance between him and Jennie was difficult to adjust to. It did make him ponder about this being a preview for when he goes off to the military.

Twitter noticed his attitude change and made threads about him being unhappy. Along with that, people were asking about Jennie and her future with BTS because it seemed like she wasn't doing anything or being involved anymore.

'Okay WHERE is Jennie? Thread'

'Guys Jennie has not been active with BTS in a while. She has not been with them for their recent concerts or V-Lives and I am worried something bad happened'

The thread went on to come up with various theories on the matter while armies were quick to put in their two cents.

'I hope she isn't leaving BTS.'

'Yeah, where tf is she? And she hasn't posted anything in a while! That's unusual! BTS stay posting but there is nothing about her these days'

'They talk about her on vlive so that's a good sign things are fine, right?'

'You think she fought with a member or something?'

'Come to think of it, maybe that's why Jungkook has been looking off these days. They may have fought and aren't on speaking terms'

'Like you see the body language of Jungkook lately? They had a bad argument and aren't friends anymore'

'What? What kind of mess is that? That's a dumb theory'

'You guys are dumb. It's her VISA'

'A visa doesn't take that long to go through. She should be back by now'

'Come to think of it, yeah, you may be right. I'm sure things are finished by now and she could come back to Korea'

'I think her visa is taking longer than usual and that's why. Relax,'

'Maybe Big Hit is just letting her spend more time with her family like the perfect company they are!'

'Nah, Big Hit is sabotaging her. She should be back with Bangtan'

'No, they're probably letting her spend more time in America before coming back. They're a great company and allowing her to spend time with her family. Calm down'

'No, they're not a great company! They are ruining her! She needs to get out of there. I hate seeing her inactive'

'All y'all need to just trust that things with Jennie are going to be fine. Stop making everyone anxious about this. Jennie is still with BTS'

Since Jennie still couldn't go back to Korea yet, the staff decided to fly to America to film her Wings 8 video. They rented a big space to make sure they had all they needed for the short film. The company decided to have her video and song be the last ones out of the group. The solo videos were going to begin getting released around September 4th and her video was scheduled for September 19th before they changed plans and made her show up last.

Despite working on the album, Big Hit still wanted her to remain off social media. It had been hard since she wanted to engage with fans and shout out other idol groups for their comebacks like Monsta X and Got7 but she did what she was told.

'Short Film Making Story'

'#Evermore'

With the camera filming her getting ready, she happily waved to it and began to speak.

"Hey, it's your girl Jennie and today I am here to film my Wings short film! And look! My hair is finally dyed! Frickin red! Ahhh~!" she cutely jumped up and down and showed it off before letting the stylist continue their work. "Now y'all can stop asking me every single comeback! I mean look at this! Look! This hair is amazing! I look so good! I'm glad I went through with it. Red looks great on me! Rihanna vibes!"

"She cried," the stylist put her on blast.

'Miss Bangtan Is Put On Blast'

Jennie stared at the stylist, astounded. "I-I didn't cry!"

"Yes, you did. You were like, 'Oh God please let my hair be okay. Please don't let it fall out or get damaged,'" the stylist teased.

"Shut it!"

Jen went over to the set that looked similar to an airport as she wore jeans and a black and white hoodie with a messy bun.

"I have no idea what the guys are doing for their short films," she added. "But since I'm here in America, the staff came here so we can film. Even though I'm having some visa issues, that doesn't mean I'm stopping my bag. We're making this work. I want you to see a different side of me for this comeback. I hope you look forward to it and keep cheering me on,"

She was given a bag to carry as the stylists did the finishing touches to her hair and makeup. 

"I'm supposed to be playing three people today," she announced to the camera with a nervous expression. "My regular self as you see now and then my dark and good personas. Kind of like an angel and a devil on your shoulders. It's going to be cool how the video is going to be created."

"Action!" the director announced.

Jen went on with the role, walking through the airport, clutching her bag. She looked around frantically before rushing into the women's bathroom. 

After recording her walking a couple of times to get all the right angles, she was then filmed in front of a bathroom sink. She placed her palms on it with a troubled facial expression as she stared at herself in the mirror. Before she knew it, she backed away, startled, and began to look confused.

For the scene with her back in the home she was in for the I Need U MV, she did a costume change, wearing a black suit with a black lace bodysuit under it. This time she was playing her evil persona with her hair down.

"I lowkey always wanted to play an evil person. I wonder how long it'll take for me to get into character. My sister helped me practice for the role. I hope she likes my acting and doesn't roast me for it. My acting lessons will pay off too!" she laughed. "I'm supposed to be speaking to myself. It'll be weird speaking to air but in the video, it'll have all three of me in the shot. So, you'll see how it all develops,"

Once she heard action, Jennie leaned her back against the counter and glanced over nonchalantly at her dead ex who was on the floor.

"Welp..." she murmured coldly and turned to where her other self would be leaning over the counter. "Hey. Pull yourself together."

'Jennie channels her inner evil self with charisma'

"Come on, let me take over. I'm tired of this 50/50 fight," she said smugly like she was looking at the good persona of herself.

For the last shot, Jennie sat in the waiting room of the airport, playing some notes from her solo song on the guitar. While she played, someone walked over to her which caused her to stop and acknowledge the person. The camera remained on her, only showing the person's footsteps to keep viewers guessing who had found her.

Once the director announced that the shot was finished, everyone cheered while Jennie happily jumped out of her seat and bowed politely.

"Thank you! Woo! I'm done~! Yay! I can't wait for the video to drop! Look forward to it ARMY!" she waved goodbye to the camera.

-----

Wings 8: Evermore

"I wanted only to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?" Jennie narrated from Demain before the screen faded in to reveal her feet running through the airport.

It panned up to her back as footsteps and her heavy breathing were heard. She had been running and slowed down the pace to speed walk. There was hardly anyone in the airport as she looked around, clutching her bag tightly with her guitar on her back. She appeared troubled as several thoughts went through her mind like she did something regretful and thought someone was going to find her.

All that was on her mind was that she had to leave. Asap. She could not stay here. Not after what happened.

Finding the women's bathroom, she rushed into it and set her bag and guitar down against the wall. Jen exhaled sharply, and approached a sink, placing her palms on it. Slowly, she looked up to meet her reflection in the mirror.

"You're okay..." she whispered to herself.

She looked fine but on the inside, she felt like hell. Upon looking at herself, she was startled when a woman that looked exactly like her, stared at her from behind. Only not in a bun but with her hair down and black clothing.

This dark figure she stared at smirked softly, which caused Jennie to look confused.

What was going on? Why was she staring at herself wearing different clothes and hair? The dark figure even had the same white butterfly necklace in contrast with the dark clothes.

Jen tilted her head to the side and watched as the figure copied her movements. She then tilted her head to the other side and watched as the figure did the same. Swiftly turning around, she was met with nothing. The woman was gone.

She took a few steps forward. Okay, maybe she was imagining things.

But little did she know, the dark figure was behind her. When Jennie turned around, her face was cupped into the dark figure's hands, and her forehead pressed against hers, ending the shot as the screen went black.

For the next shot, Jennie was back at home where she was in for the I Need U MV. She had on the same white dress from the MV with the messy bun still intact.

She stood against the kitchen counter with her forearms on it. Her face remained emotionless as she thought about what had just happened.

The camera panned over to the feet on the floor that belonged to her ex. To ease her nerves, she tapped her shaky fingers against the glass of water she had in her hands. Her mind began to fog up with negative thoughts about her fate.

Abruptly, the dark persona of hers leaned her back against the counter, crossing her arms. She glanced at the body nonchalantly.

"Welp..." her dark persona spoke coldly. She had no remorse for the man. She turned to Jennie and watched as she was still in a state of shock. "Hey. Pull yourself together..."

A loud sigh was heard as Jennie's good persona stood on the other side, facing the counter. She wore a white suit and her red hair was straightened. A black butterfly necklace was placed around her neck as she stared at the body sympathetically. She placed a hand on Jennie's shoulder.

"Are you all right?" her good persona asked.

"Of course, she is. He got what he deserved," her dark persona answered, earning a frown in return.

"It was an accident,"

"An accident? Please...if he's dead, he deserved it," her dark persona bluntly replied.

"She is not a bad person," her good persona denied and removed her hand from Jennie.

"That's where you're wrong. There's a bit of evil in all of us and you know it," her dark persona turned to Jennie who continued to look forward. A wicked smile crept on her lips. "I bet that felt good...tempting..."

"It was a scary situation she was put in. It didn't feel good at all. She's full of remorse,"

"To you. She's more like me now and soon she will become all of me,"

"She will never become what you are. Not while I'm here,"

"Look around you," the dark persona gestured, briefly looking around. "Look at what happened. This is her true self,"

"This is not her,"

"Yes, it is. She won't be needing you, anymore. Come on, let me take over, I'm tired of this 50/50 fight,"

"She'll atone. I'm not giving up on her," 

"Well, it certainly wasn't you that she channeled to do what she did. You're too soft. Enough was enough."

The good persona ignored her and leaned toward Jennie's ear. "You are still a good person. You defended yourself. It was self defense."

Having enough, the dark persona grabbed Jen by the chin and turned her head slightly, speaking in her ear as she glared at his body. "Look at what you've done. Look at him suffer! He deserved every bit of it! This was what you wanted to do for a very long time. This was building for weeks!" she began to shout angrily. "These men think they can do whatever they want to us, say whatever they want, disrespect us, and hurt us?! No. They did it to the wrong one this time,"

Jennie seemed to have slowly gotten out of her shocked state when she heard a loud groan from the floor.

So he was still alive...

That calmed her nerves a bit as Jennie managed to walk across the counter to stand and look at his weakened state. He faintly called out her name in anger, uttering out curses.

"Huh. So, the piece of shit is still alive," her dark persona said with a scowl as she stood next to Jennie with her arms crossed.

"Good. There's still time," her good persona said, standing on her other side.

"No..." her dark persona turned to Jennie. "You know exactly what to do...end it,"

"No. Don't throw it all away. You're better than this. You are not alone and you know which route to take," her good persona said as the trio looked at the man on the floor.

Back to reality, Jennie had awakened in the waiting area of her flight thanks to her phone notifications going off. She also noticed that it was getting close to her flight arrival and more people were showing up at the airport.

Curious about the messages, she went through them and noticed it was all about whether she was all right which made her tear up. Everyone was asking for her whereabouts. But she had to ignore it and keep moving forward. She needed to leave.

Before she could turn her phone off, the person she wanted to avoid the most began to call. She hesitated to answer as she stared at the caller ID while the camera didn't show who was calling. 

Placing her phone back into her bag, she grabbed her guitar out of the case and began to play the opening notes of her song to distract herself.

The camera panned to the floor to show footsteps approaching her and they stopped near the row she sat at. As Jen stopped playing, the instrumental of her song continued to play in the background.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she let out a breath and acknowledged the hand. She then slowly turned her head to look up in the direction of the individual she predicted to find her as the screen faded to black.

"Looks like you found me..."